“You Are—” *Clap Clap* “—CUT OFF!”

I used to bartend at a gentleman’s club. I had a regular come in who was well-known for pregaming beforehand. One time, he overdid it and could barely pull his wallet out to pay the door cover before weaving his way to the bar. I immediately placed down a glass of water once he managed to climb up into the seat.

Me: “Hey, man. I’m glad you’re here—” *I wasn’t* “—but you’ve clearly had some drinks before you got here, and I legally can’t serve you anything alcoholic right now. So, if you want to order some food—” *we had a full kitchen* “—or have a soda with the girls and hang out, that’s perfectly fine. In fact, the sodas are free if you want to order from the kitchen.”

He immediately got pissed and started demanding a beer. I shut that down.

Me: “Stop. Look at me. You’re drunk right now, and we both know it. I’m not risking our liquor license or getting fined my d*** self if word gets out that I served someone who almost fell trying to sit at my bar. So, you have two choices. Calm the f*** down and sober up for an hour or so, or leave right now.” 

Yeah, I probably could have been more tactful but this wasn’t exactly a high-end place.

Instead, he chose violence. He tried to reach across the bar and grab my shirt. I stepped back and flagged the two bouncers nearby who were doing a good job and keeping an eye on things. They secured him.

Me: “He’s out, guys. Just give him back his door cover and put him outside, please.”

They did, and he was shoved unceremoniously out the front door, which was locked behind him.

He was stupid, but since he arrived by taxi, he had to wait for another one to take him home or wherever he went, so at least he was smart enough to not drive drunk.

The owner talked to me about it at closing.

Owner: “I hate pissing off a regular, but I know he’ll eventually be back, hopefully having learned a lesson. I’m proud of you for protecting the club and following the law.”

The man was a huge pervert, but he protected and backed all of his employees, so some credit is due there. I gave both bouncers $20 and a handshake for having my back, which they weren’t expecting. But that was the first time something like this had happened, and I wanted them to know how much I appreciated it. They were even more protective — of everyone — after that.