You And I Can Write A Bad Bromance

| Romantic | September 24, 2013

(My boyfriend’s best friend is always asking him to do things with him, although my boyfriend is usually too busy. After saying he can’t go out to eat because he’s studying, his friend texts him.)

Friend: “We’re through! No more excuses!”

Me: “How dare you break up with my boyfriend over text!”

Friend: “I got the kids in the divorce too.”

Me: “Well, he wants Sundays with [other friend].”

Friend: “Deal. You’re his lawyer?”

Me: “That I am. We want a box of Pop-Tarts as alimony once a week.”

Friend: “Nah, you gotta meet me halfway.”

Me: “Every other weekend with [other friend] in exchange for the Pop-Tarts.”

Friend: “I want the house.”

Me: *to boyfriend* “Are you willing to give up your house for Pop-Tarts?”

Boyfriend: “Yes. Your RA said I can sleep on your couch anyway.”

Me: *to friend* “You’ve got a deal.”

Boyfriend: “Wait, I think that makes you step-mom to [other friend]. I’ll have to tell him he doesn’t have to call you mom right away.”

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