Yet To Go On A Maiden Voyage

I’m calling my bank. We’re verifying my information, starting with my name.

Bank Rep: “Is that your maiden name?”

Me: “Um, I’m not married and never have been.”

Bank Rep: *Impatiently.* “But is it your MAIDEN NAME?”

Me: “Ma’am, I am only eighteen, and I’ve never been married. It’s just my name.”

Bank Rep: *Rudely.* “Well, miss, if you’ve never been married, your last name isn’t your name; it’s your MAIDEN name.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t care what you call it, as long as it gets me past the verification stage and we can get to talking about the potential fraud being committed against me at this very moment.”