Writing A Bad Romance
(I go to a rather small private school. There are only 17 students in the eighth grade, and everyone knows everyone else’s business, as we live in a very small town. I have three best friends, none of whom are romantically involved with the others.)
Substitute Teacher: “All right, everyone, settle down. You three!” *pointing to where my three friends and I are huddled together, talking and laughing* “Stop flirting! And you—” *indicating Friend #1* “—there’s a large box of books just down the hall. Come help me with them.”
Friend #1: *to [Friend #2], with a mischievous smile* “I must go now, mi amor.” *he dramatically takes her in his arms and dips her* “Until tonight.”
(He gives her a dramatic stage kiss and hurries into the hallway. The sub walks out after him, presumably to make sure he gets the right box. Friend #3 and Friend #2 begin whispering excitedly. The sub and Friend #1 enter together with the heavy box. At that moment, Friend #3 and Friend #2 begin conspicuously making out. Friend #1 sets the box down.)
Friend #1: *dramatically* “[Friend #2!] I can’t believe you would cheat on me with [Friend #3]!”
Friend #2: *equally as dramatic* “I am sorry, my love, but I love [Friend #3] as well as you and I cannot choose between you!”
Friend #3: *joining in* “Well, in that case, I suppose Friend #1 and I must brawl for Friend #2’s heart.”
Class: *barely containing laughter* “Fight! Fight!”
Me: “Yes! I will referee to ensure it is a fair fight. During lunch today, the gentlemen will fight in the alley behind the gym for the lady’s heart!”
Substitute Teacher: *finally recovering from her shock* “No! You four!” *pointing to all my friends and me* “Principal’s office! Now!”
(We sat in the front office while the sub called the principal and told him what happened. Finally, the principal called us in.)
Principal: *barely containing laughter* “Okay, guys. Here’s the deal. I told the sub I’d punish you, so you have a week of lunchtime detention, but it’s not going on your permanent record. I’ve also signed all of you up for drama club. That was fantastic.”
