Worming Her Way Out Of A Ticket

(It’s about 9:00 pm on a Sunday night when my three-year-old comes to tell me she has bugs in her poop. At first, I ignore her because she’s also recently claimed the “bugs under her skin” have been “controlling” her this last week and that’s why she’s been acting out a little. After a little while, I go and look, and it turns out the kid is right; she’s got pinworms. I quickly load her in the car and start driving to the nearest pharmacy for medicine. We hardly leave our apartment before I see red and blue lights behind me. I pull over immediately, freaking out because at 25, this is the first time I’ve ever been pulled over. The officer comes out, asks for the usual, and adds on:)

Officer: “You’ve got a tail light out, ma’am. Mind telling me why you and the little one are out so late?”

Daughter: ” *super happy voice* “I’ve got butt worms, Offser, and we need medicine, ’cause the butt worms are itchy!”

(The officer couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. He did give me a warning, just so I could show any other officers that might have stopped me, but we got home fine, and I was able to fix the light, and my kid’s “butt worms.”)