A Deficiency In Efficiency

, , , , , , | Working | May 10, 2019

(I’m out shopping and I enter a store, where [Clerk #1] asks me if I need help and I politely tell her I’m just looking. She leaves me alone. I turn around, but I hear this exchange:)

Clerk #2: “Hey, do you need any—“

Clerk #1: “Don’t ask! I’ve already asked her!”

Clerk #2: “Oh, my God, we’re so efficient.”

No Refund, Snowflake!

, , , , , | Working | May 9, 2019

(At my store, men’s boxers are sold in a box. They are sealed, and the size and a size guide are printed on the box. Our policy is that underwear is non-returnable. A man walks in and approaches the register with an open package of snowflake-pattern boxers.)

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if I could return these?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept returns or exchanges on underwear.”

Customer: “Okay, but I bought the box that said medium, see? But the boxers inside were XL. I can’t wear them.”

Me: “That’s weird. Can I take a look?”

(Sure enough, the box and waistband tags don’t match. The boxers also are obviously larger than mediums. The receipt says he bought mediums. I guess it could be a convoluted scam get $9, but it seems unlikely. Also, the boxers are still crisp and clean.)

Me: “Let me call a manager and see if he can make an exception.”

(I page the manager and when he arrives, I explain the situation and show him the boxers, box, and receipt.)

Manager: *to customer* “I’m sorry, but we can’t do returns or exchanges on underwear.”

Customer: “Sure, but these are sized wrong.”

Manager: “No, I’m sorry. No returns on underwear. It’s printed on your receipt.”

Customer: “But the store made the mistake! And I never wore them; I can’t use them.”

Manager: “No returns or exchanges on underwear. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me?”

Manager: “I’m sorry. We can’t accept any underwear back…”

(It continues in this vein until the poor guy gives up and leaves with his too-big boxers.)

Manager: *turns to me* “What was his problem? Doesn’t he like snowflakes?”

Me: *internal facepalm*

Not A Rewarding Name

, , , , , | Working | May 9, 2019

(There is a specific store where I usually go to buy rabbit food. They have some sort of rewards program, and this exchange happens every time I check out. Note that my name is unusual and the spelling and pronunciation do not match particularly well.)

Cashier: “Do you have a rewards account? We can look it up by your phone number.”  

Me: “Yes, I do. It’s [number].”  

Cashier: *punches it in* “Okay, that’s [Mispronounced Name]?”  

Me: *sigh* “[Correct Pronunciation].”  

Cashier: “Oh, did we spell it wrong?”  

Me: *perhaps internally* “No, my parents did. Just ring up the rabbit food.”

He’s Spring Broken

, , , , , | Working | May 9, 2019

(A new hire, still in high school, is clearly working his first job. A few weeks go by and everything is fine. Then, one Monday he doesn’t show up for work. Calling him doesn’t work; no one answers. Tuesday, same thing: no-show and no answer when called. He still doesn’t show up on the third day; however, he answers his phone.)

Coworker: “Hey! Where have you been? You should be at work!”

Employee: “What? Why? I’m on vacation. It’s spring break!”

Sleeping On The Job

, , , , , | Working | May 8, 2019

(When I first start working at a call center taking incoming client calls, I have a pretty typical “script” of how I answer the phone. We have to thank the client for calling and give our name and some sort of pleasantry while also obtaining their name. I always opt for, “Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?” One day during my shift I start getting tired and doodling on my paper, writing the words, “I’m sleepy.” As I’m doing this, a call comes through.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name] speaking. Whom do I have the pleasure of sleeping… speaking with?”

(Luckily for me, I don’t think the client heard, and the rest of the conversation continued as normal. My coworkers wouldn’t let me live that one down for weeks!)

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