I work on the register at a clothing store. A coworker with whom I have a budding friendship works Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I work Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.

I come into work on a Tuesday, and my manager informs me that I’ll be handling the registers alone.

Me: “Did [Coworker] call in?”

Manager: “She quit after yesterday.”

Me: “Quit? What happened?”

Manager: “A long line of customers demanding returns without receipts who don’t understand the return policy. The stupid b**** started crying when they began yelling at her.”

I’m caught off-guard by his remark.

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re insulting her for getting upset because the customers were yelling at her?”

Manager: “Return policy means they had no argument against her.”

Me: “And did you punish these customers for making a scene? For abusing your worker?”

Manager: “Abuse? Some idiot yelling isn’t worth getting upset over.”

I was so infuriated by his blasé attitude that I quit on the spot. I called up [Coworker] and found that she had gotten a new job with less apathetic management. They still had an opening, and we found ourselves working together again.

We are in a regional meeting, and the new manager asks our Vice President a question.

New Manager: “How often do our quarterly reports come out?”

Most of us started laughing until he realized what he had just asked.

I have difficult-to-fit feet, so when I found a local shoe store that carried a line that fit me well, I was happy about it… until my second visit. The first time in, they sold me on these expensive third-party insoles. They were okay, but I didn’t think they were worth the money, especially since my shoes were already expensive.

The next time I was in, they went for the hard sell on the insoles.

Me: “No, thanks.”

Employee: “Okay. Well, how about this shoe care kit?”

Me: “No, thanks. I already have most of the items in it.”

Employee: “Well, what don’t you have?”

I honestly didn’t remember.

Employee: “How about this brush? It’s better than the one in the basic kit.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Employee: “Leather conditioner?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Employee: “We have these special thin socks for people with diabetes.”

Me: “I… don’t have diabetes.”

Employee: “Well, they’re also very comfortable for people with large feet like you.”

Me: “No. Thanks.”

Employee: “If you see anything else you’d like…”

Yes. The shoes. The shoes I came here to buy. The shoes chosen specially to fit my feet. My shoes.

I found another shoe store.

I try to socialize and even joke with my customers a little, and I’ve gotten such positive feedback that one of the managers even takes me aside one day to tell me how impressed he is and how many good reviews customers are leaving for me.

Naturally, I’m delighted, and I do my best to continue encouraging customers to fill out the surveys at the bottom of their receipts. The surveys are one of the topics I like to joke about.

I’m ringing up a customer and her partner, and I hand her the receipt.

Me: “And there’s a survey at the bottom of the receipt that we’d appreciate if you’d fill out for us. Make sure to tell them I’m the worst person you’ve ever met, everything I said and did offended you, I’m just awful…”

Customer: *Deadpan* “And I’m pretty sure you’re a Nazi.”

Me: *Nodding* “Definitely tell them that.”

Usually, I just get a laugh or a phony scolding when I say that, but having a customer actually play along made my day.

I very, very often get sore throats, to the point where I don’t call in sick when it happens and am hardly bothered by it. (I usually laugh it off with my coworkers by saying, “If I had to stay home every time my throat was acting up, you guys would never see me.”) Wherever I worked, my bosses were generally happy about it because my attendance was stellar, although they did encourage me to go to the doctor if it became too much. (I know, it’s wrong, but that’s how I was raised, and I feel guilty if I am at on sick leave but feel perfectly able to work.)

In September, I quit and started working elsewhere. When winter came, I got sick more often thanks to working at a huge, cold, and drafty front desk. I had to spend a few weeks at home, to the point where I got very bored, so I was happy to come back.

When I came back on February 13th, I was coughing a lot but felt fine and able to work. When my boss heard me coughing, he came to me and scolded me for coming back although I was still sick, arguing that my coworkers or the residents of the building may get sick, too.

Me: “I’m not sick anymore. Aside from the cough, I feel pretty good.”

Manager: “I think you should go to the doctor.”

Me: “Okay. Should I still come in tomorrow before my doctor’s appointment?”

He told me, as if it was self-evident:

Manager: “Duh! We need you tomorrow!”

What was planned the next day? The chocolate fountain for Valentine’s Day — where we had to prep food for all of the residents to eat.

So much for “Careful, you’ll get everyone sick!”