(We receive a free newspaper from a local company every few days. My significant other and I are often out of the house from dawn to close to midnight during the week, though, and we get complaints from our landlady about leaving the papers on the stoop all day. We’ve been trying to have them stop sending them to us. This is our first phone conversation.)

Me: “Hi. I’d like to cancel the paper service to our address, please.”

Employee: “What’s your address?”

Me: *gives out address*

Employee: “It looks like you’re receiving the free service.”

Me: “Yes, but we don’t read the paper. It also clutters our stoop so our landlord gets mad.”

Employee: “But it’s free…”

Me: “Right, and that’s great for a lot of people, but we’d like to stop receiving them, please.”

Employee: “Fine!” *hangs up*

(We then started receiving three papers a day.)

Coworker: “I hear GST (Goods and Services Tax) is going up tomorrow.”

Boss: “Oh really? We’d better change our stickers.”

Coworker: “I hear petrol’s going up, too. That’s going to really hurt.”

Boss: “But you don’t have a car.”

Coworker: “But it will cost to pump up my bike tires, right?”

(I work at a house where people with autism and other developmental disabilities live.)

Me: “Hey, [Handyman] wants to know if it’s going to rain this weekend. If it is, he needs to cover up his project to avoid rain damage.”

Staff Member: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, I see you’re watching the news. If you should happen to find out, would you tell him?”

Staff Member: “But I don’t know!”

Me: “I understand that. He’s just trying to find out.”

Staff Member: “But I don’t know!”

Me: “But, if you should happen to find out…”

Staff Member: “But I don’t know!”

(I’ve transferred from a store in the city where I went to college to a store in my home town after moving back. It’s my first day.)

Coworker: “So, you’re new?”

Me: “I’m new to this store, but I’m a transfer from Burlington, Vermont.”

Coworker: “Where’s that?”

Me: “Vermont.”

Coworker: *blank look*

Me: “Vermont… it’s a state.”

Coworker: “Oh. Never heard of it.”

(Later, I discover that several of my other colleagues also have never heard of Vermont. My manager asks me about my day and I tell him about this.)

Me: “I tried to explain what store I was from, but a few of the other associates have never heard of Vermont. It’s only ten hours away from here.”

Manager: “Oh, well… they are still in college.”

Me: “That’s fifth grade geography.”

Manager: *blank look*

(I work at a large factory and am spread across all three shifts. Sometimes, I don’t make it to certain areas for weeks. I’m also a newlywed of one year, and am the same size as when I got married. One day. I run into an older female employee.)

Employee: “Wow! Haven’t seen you in a while!”

Me: “Yes, sorry. It’s been crazy around here.”

Employee: “So, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Employee: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m not.”

Employee: “Oh! Well, marriage looks good on you then.”

Me: “Um, thanks?”

Employee: “Don’t worry, dear. I gained 40 pounds after I got married!”

Me: *speechless*

Employee: “There’s no shame in letting yourself go a little.” *winks*

Me: *speechless*