(Years ago, I was shopping for a car with my older boyfriend. He hadn’t said much since it was my purchase. Note: we walked in holding hands and being obviously affectionate.)

Me: “I’m looking for a smaller 5-speed car… maybe a Toyota.”

Sales Guy: “Well, we have this great car here.”

(It was a huge 4-door automatic sedan.)

Me: “That’s not what I’m looking for. I don’t want an automatic. I want a 5-speed manual, and something smaller and a little sportier.”

Sales Guy: “I’m not sure we have what you are want.” *to my boyfriend* “Sir, if you would just teach your daughter to drive a stick, she’d have a lot more choices.”

(Surprised, my boyfriend says nothing, but backs up a step or two.)

Me: “First off, he’s not my father; I wouldn’t be that affectionate with him! Second, you haven’t heard a word I said. So, you lose a sale!”

(My dad is a general manager at a popular fast food chain. He’s at a different store when this happens.)

Employee: “The sign out front won’t stay up.”

My Dad: “Why, what’s the problem?”

Employee: “The suction cups on the top of the sign don’t stick.”

My Dad: “Do the bottom cups work?”

Employee: “Yes.”

My Dad: “Then switch the top suction cups with the bottom ones.”

(The employee goes to fix the sign. Later, my dad goes outside, only to see the sign hanging upside-down.)

(It’s the holidays, and I’m a female customer standing in a very long line to purchase a PC game. While waiting, I look at a display of Nintendo games. Behind me in line are two 20-something year-old male customers. Suddenly, these two customers shove me out of the line, sending me crashing into a display of game controllers.)

Male Customer #1: “Geez, get out of the way if you’re just gonna gawk at garbage games!”

Male Customer #2: “Stupid girl gamers and their Nintendo.”

(Overhearing this, a cashier proceeds to push his way through the crowd to where we are in the line.)

Cashier: “Hey, what’s going on back there?”

Me: “These guys just shoved me out of the line!”

Cashier: *to the two male customers* “I don’t have time for this. Get out!”

(He then grabs the games the two male customers were planning to purchase, pulls them out of their hands before he pushes them through the crowd to the exit. I stand up and resume my place in line.)

Cashier: *to me* “You, no cuts. Back of the line!”

Me: “What? But I was already at this spot in line before they pushed me—”

Cashier: “Did you not hear me say I don’t have time to deal with s*** from idiots like you and those two friends of yours? Back of the line, or out!”

(Suddenly, a little boy at the back of the line speaks up.)

Little Boy: “Miss! You can go ahead of me since you were already waiting.”

(Hearing this, another man in front of the little boy also speaks up.)

Man: “You can go ahead of me as well!”

(Every single customer in line proceeds to insist that I go ahead of them, including those who were originally ahead of me. I end up right at the counter, placing my purchase in front of the same cashier who tried to send me to the back.)

Cashier: “Look, lady, you can’t just—”

Me: “How about you just scan this through? It’s a busy season and I’m pretty sure neither of us has time for this.”

(He falls silent and quickly scans my purchase when I hear a familiar voice at the back of the line.)

Little Boy: “Ha!”

(I’m walking near a kiosk selling electronic cigarettes. I work in the mall and am familiar with the fact that they’re just not doing very well. It might have something to do with the employees.)

Employee: “You there, sir! Do you smoke?”

Mall Patron: “No.”

Employee: “Would you like to start?”

(My family and I are shopping in a theme park souvenir store devoted to a certain legendary space movie series.)

Sister: *to us* “Last time I was here, I saw light-up R2D2s that I’d really like to get. Help me find them!”

(We search the store, and are stopped by an employee standing at a counter full of bins.)

Employee: “Can I help you find something?”

Me: “What are those bins?”

Employee: “It’s our build-your-own-robot figurine section! We’ve got all these parts, and you can build your own, any way you like!”

Me: “Wow, that’s actually pretty cute. I’ll have to think about that.”

Employee: *to my sister* “How about you? Are you sure you don’t need one? They’re cuuuuuuuute!”

Sister: “No, thanks. These aren’t the droids I’m looking for.”

Employee: “You win the park.”