(Note: This happened about 6 years ago when I was trying to spend my birthday money on comic books. A girl comes in all dressed up to pass in a resume; note that she has a guide dog. She gives it to the owner and smiles softly.)

Girl with guide dog: *to owner* “I was hoping you’d be hiring.”

Owner: *takes her resume* “How about you come in Wednesday at two for an interview?”

Girl with guide dog: “I’m sorry sir, I’m hard of hearing. Would you mind facing me when you talk?”

Owner: *gruffly* “Nevermind. There’s no openings. We just finished hiring.”

Girl with guide dog: *sadly* “Oh…thank you anyway.”

(Having overheard everything, ALL the customers in the store simultaneously left without buying anything. I haven’t been back since!)

(A friend and I are out for lunch and have this exchange with our server.)

My Friend: “I’ll have the bacon cheeseburger.”

Server: “Would you like fries or salad with that?”

My Friend: “Fries, please.”

Server: “Salad, excellent.”

My Friend: “No, no…I’d like fries.”

Server: “Oh, okay! Anything to drink?”

My Friend: “I’ll have a Coke.”

Server: “Diet Coke, great.”

My Friend: “No…regular Coke is fine, thanks.”

Server: “Oh, right. Sure thing!”

(A different server brings over our meals. Despite what she said to the original server, my friend’s burger arrives incorrectly with a salad and a Diet Coke.)

My Friend: *staring at her meal* “Tell me the truth, do I need to lose weight?!”

(I am ordering at the drive-thru window at a fast food chain.)

Me: “I’d like a number 4 with a Pepsi.”

Employee: “Would you like a drink with that?”

Me: “Yes, a Pepsi.”

Employee: “Well, what would you like?”

Me: “A Pepsi.”

Employee: “What do you want to drink?!”

Me: “A Pepsi!”

Employee: “No, what do you want to… ooohh!”

(Note: our boss speaks English, but is not a native speaker. My coworkers make fun of her accent and I hate it because it is disrespectful and very stupid. We are all native English speakers. This instance has a coworker looking at the work schedule.)

Coworker: *laughing* “Look! [Boss] spelled “Saturday” wrong!”

Me: “She did? How did she spell it?”

Coworker: *still laughing* “S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y!”

Me: “She spelled it that way because that’s how you spell ‘Saturday’.”

Coworker: “Really? No… wait, really?!”

(My coworkers and I are discussing pregnancy cravings. Ice is a common one amongst pregnant women.)

Me: “All I wanted was meat…meat and cheese.”

Coworker #1: “My wife wanted fruit.”

Coworker #2: “When I was in Peru, there was a woman who ate only ice. She ate ice all the time. So, when it came time to deliver, the doctor said her insides were frozen and she had to eat chile to thaw out.”

Me: “That’s not possible.”

Coworker #2: “That’s what the doctor said!”

Me: “But the ice would revert to water once in your body.”

Coworker #2: “BUT THAT’S WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID!”