(I’m nursing a sore throat, so I bring some honey in to work with me one day.)

Coworker: “Are you gonna put that honey in something to drink?”

Me: *joking* “No, I put it in my ear.”

Coworker: “What? Why?”

(I think he’s just playing dumb, so I play along.)

Me: “Because it helps sore throats.”

Coworker: “No way…how?”

(At this point, a call interrupts us. I’m pretty sure that either he’ll understand it was a joke or someone will set him straight. But then, a few hours later…)

Coworker: “Seriously, do you use a Q-tip to get it in there, or what?”

Me: “No, I just use one to get out the excess honey.”

Coworker: “But seriously, how does that work?”

Me: “You just pour it in and it soothes everything.”

Coworker: “Wow!”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*

Coworker: *feeling dumb* “Oh.”

(I work in the help center at our company, and receive the following call from an employee.)

Me: “Help desk, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Employee: “My monitor is blank.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Are your computer and monitor turned on?”

Employee: “I think?”

Me: “Okay, hold on one sec…”

(I verify that their computer is in fact turned on.)

Me: “Okay, your screen saver has probably activated. Can you try moving your mouse or pressing some buttons on your keyboard for me?”

Employee: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, I need you to do something for me. Look at the lower right hand corner of your monitor. See that gray button there?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s the power button. Go ahead and press that for me.”

Employee: “Yeah, I see my desktop now. I didn’t realize I had to press that button!”

(A package has just arrived with an advertisement poster that our department is supposed to display.)

Me: “[Manager], we got a package.”

Manager: *opens package* “Oh, it’s another one of those poster ads. I hate these! We even already have one of just like this. Hmm…”

(My manager folds the poster twice and steps on it, ripping it. He then stuffs it in the trashcan.)

Manager: “Oh, darn. It looks like it got damaged in the shipment. I guess we can’t use it!”

(I’ve made a call to a business and have reached the owner of the shop. I’ve given him a short description of the health and safety training we offer for his employees.)

Boss: “Health? Safety? I wouldn’t care if all my employees died today!”

Me: “Uh… okay. Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

(Note: I’m a customer. I overhear two female employees while I’m in the fitting room trying on a dress. They’re apparently reading the label on a soda bottle.)

Employee #1: “If this has 0 calories, 0 carbs, and no sugar, what makes it different from water? I mean, if you could drink this, why would you ever drink water?”

Employee #2: “Uhh, I guess it has sodium in it.”

Employee #1: “What’s sodium? What’s that do to you?”

Employee #2: “I guess it dries you out and stuff.”

Employee #1: “Well, I have oily skin anyway!”