(My mom and I have just ordered some sandwiches to go. Note: this restaurant has a well-known jingle that lists all the ingredients in said sandwich.)

Me: “Uh… Mom? We need to go back.”

Mom: “Why? You got your food, right?”

Me: “Well, yes, but they forgot something important.”

Mom: “What?”

Me: *sings the jingle* “What’s the first ingredient listed?”

Mom: “Meat.”

Me: “Yeah… they didn’t put that in.”

(We drive back, and walk inside to ask for a manager.)

Employee #1: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “There was a mistake with my sandwich. I’d like a replacement, and my money back, since I had to drive all the way back.”

Employee #1: “You ordered [sandwich name] and you got [sandwich name], so what’s wrong with it?”

Me: “What’s the first ingredient in the jingle about the sandwich?”

Employee #1: “Jingle? What jingle?”

Me: *sings the jingle*

Employee #1: “Huh. Never heard it before. So, what’s wrong with your sandwich?”

Me: “It’s missing the meat.”

Employee #1: “…And?”

Me: “And I’d like to talk to a manager, get a new sandwich and my money back since I had to drive all the way back here.”

(The employee shrugs, and despite looking confused as to why I want a new sandwich, fetches his manager.)

Manager: “What’s the problem, miss?”

Me: “I ordered this sandwich, and there’s no meat.”

(The manager looks at the packaging then opens the sandwich.)

Manager: “What the?! I’ll get you a new one, and your money back.” *to the line cooks* “How on earth did you manage to make a [sandwich name] without the meat? THE INGREDIENTS ARE LISTED ON THE BOX JUST LIKE THE JINGLE!”

All of the employees: “What jingle? ”

Me: *sings the jingle again*

Manager: “SEE? She knows it!”

Employee #1: “Never heard it before. Who wrote that?”

(Both the manager and me say the name of the restaurant at the same time.)

Employee #1: “You sure? Never heard it. Here’s your food, ma’am.”

Mom: “I knew this place is going downhill in quality, but you’d think that they’d, you know, at least have heard their own commercials.”

Me: “Come on, let’s just go…”

(I’ve played it safe since then, and stuck with chicken nuggets!)

(A large order has come up at our restaurant, so I say the number over the speaker.)

Me: “Number 64. Number 64.”

(A minute passes and no one responds. Sometimes the customers miss the call, or the loud speaker garbles the audio, so I try again.)

Me: “Number 64. Number 64.”

(This goes on for about 15 minutes. Other orders come and go, and I’m getting annoyed because this order is taking up a lot of space under the heat lamp. I decide to have a little fun.)

Me: *monotone* “Number 64? 64? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?”

(By this point the people in the dining area start laughing, but it seems to work. The customer with the order finally came up.)

Customer: “Sorry, I got caught up in a conversation.”

Coworker: *to me* “Having fun?”

Me: “I always wanted to say that!”

(I work in a large retail chain store. Head office has sent us booklets on loss prevention, and every employee is required to read the whole thing and sign off on it.)

Me: “Wow, can we really do that?”

Manager: “Do what?”

(I point to a section of the booklet that explains we can place shoplifters under citizen’s arrest.)

Manager: “No. You don’t do that here.”

Me: “But these directions came from head office.”

Manager: *laughs* “Oh, [my name], you slay me. Those morons never know what they want! If you actually tried to arrest a shoplifter, we would get in all sorts of trouble.”

Me: “You mean in case the shoplifter tries to sue us?”

Manager: “I’m not too worried about that, actually. I’m more worried about the head office guys chewing us out for ‘poor’ customer service.”

Me: “So, we were given directions that were important enough to require signing off on, but we CAN’T follow them.”

Manager: “Correct.”

Me: “And the geniuses who came up with this nonsense earn way more than our salaries combined?”

Manager: “Also correct.”

Me: “I suppose they’re also more educated than I am?”

Manager: “Intelligence and education are two very different things.”

(My boyfriend works for a factory that assembles farming machines. They’re near bankruptcy and don’t get a lot of orders anymore. One day, my boyfriend goes to the office.)

My Boyfriend: “It’s been weeks—no, months—since I’ve had anything real to do. God forbid if I can tighten a screw once in half an hour. Can you please give me something to do?”

Supervisor: “What? You got your own job to do, right? Why don’t you do it?”

My Boyfriend: “No, if I had something to do I wasn’t complaining. No orders are coming in, no machines are being made, so I’m just standing there.”

Supervisor: “So go on, stand there!”

My Boyfriend: “Can’t I help out at another hall? Or let me to cafeteria duty? Or heck, let me please clean the toilets with a toothbrush! Just give me something to do!”

Supervisor: “No, you can’t leave your station. You’re supposed to stand there, and that’s it.”

My Boyfriend: “So, all I get to do is stand at my station?”

Supervisor: “Yes!”

My Boyfriend: “While there is absolutely no work to be done there?”

Supervisor: “Yes!”

My Boyfriend: “Can I at least sweep the hall or something?”

Supervisor: “No, that’s not your job. You are supposed to stay at your station, like I told you!”

My Boyfriend: “So… all I get do to is stand, breathe, and do nothing, for six hours straight?”

Supervisor: “Yes!”

(I am 19 and have been in and out of the hospital for over three months. I’ve suffered two strokes and a seizure and have had to relearn how to walk. I also can not eat or drink because I’ve developed a problem with my intestines. At the same time, my brother is graduating from the Marines, so I insist to my parents that they leave to attend. My parents still stay with me to make sure I make it out of surgery all right, and then leave. A few days later, a nurse comes in.)

Nurse “I can’t believe with as sick as you are your family just leaves you here. You’re a little girl!”

Me “Ma’am, I’m 19. I am fine. It was my choice.”

Nurse “No, it is not okay. Your family should be staying here with you. I should call protective services. I can’t believe they would just abandon you when you needed it most!”

(Note: this is the last straw for me, because I’ve been in pain all day due to a combination of physical therapy and another rude nurse.)

Me “Look, lady: you don’t know s*** about my family. My mom has slept with me almost every day she could in a cot in this d*** hospital, and my stepdad has been taking me to physical therapy. They have also made sure to give my best friend a place to stay while they’re gone and a way to get here every day to hang out with me so I’m not lonely. I am the one who told them to leave and see my brother graduate because I can’t. I am so proud of them for leaving to see their only son do something great. You don’t know me and you don’t know s*** about my family, so back the f*** off before I report you for b******g about my family when you know nothing about what is going on in my life and not doing your d*** job! GET OUT!”

(After this, she just stares at me and turns to leave, but not before muttering the following…)

Nurse “Still isn’t right… little child alone…”

(I told the nursing supervisor about the incident. The nurse was fired later that week because of that and other behavior issues.)