(At our call center, our boss is often late, and also has a habit of calling his own phone instead of directly calling whoever he’s trying to reach. It’s a very busy day and our boss finally comes in, albeit two hours late.)

Boss: “Why didn’t any of you take the time to pick up my phone?”

Me: “Because the phones were red hot.”

Boss: “That is no excuse for you to not pick up that phone! When I call, I expect someone to pick it up. I was late, and I needed someone to verify that I was coming in!”

Me: “May I ask why you did not call the floor manager for that? They can make a note and make sure the others have a heads up in time.”

Boss: “Because I am hungover from the party! I was up until 6 in the morning, and didn’t feel like talking to those idiots! You better pick up next time. Otherwise, you can look for a different job!”

(20 minutes later, one of the managers comes in and grills my boss.)

Manager: *to my Boss* “Where were you? Why were you late?”

Boss: “I was still in bed and overslept. Why do you care?!”

Manager: “The head of our company came in this morning and wanted to talk to you about your recent amounts of being late. He isn’t happy at all.”

Boss: “Oh, crap.”

(Never saw him again after that.)

(I work weekends at a local gym. We have a maintenance worker that is notoriously lazy. His boss, the director of maintenance, has instructed him to rinse off the pool deck with a hose. His boss has said he’ll check the surveillance tapes the next day to make sure he’s done his job. It should also be noted that the cameras are very grainy and cheap.)

Me: “You remembered to do the deck, right?”

Worker: *laughs* “Check this out, man: I went back there, unrolled the hose, hooked it up to the tap, and then just walked around the pool waving the hose around for 15 minutes. Then, I unhooked the hose, rolled it up, and put it back. All just so the camera could see.” *laughs some more*

Me: “You know, had you just turned the tap on, you would have actually done it. And it wouldn’t have taken you any extra time.”

Worker: “Well… yeah… but…”

(Not surprisingly, he got fired about a week later.)

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(It’s very early in the morning, and I am in the process of getting my apartment packed up when I run out of boxes. I run to a 24-hour store and pick up four boxes and two candy bars, one of which I eat before I get to the checkout. I show the empty candy bar wrapper to the cashier so I can pay for it.)

Cashier: *dirty look* “Well, did you enjoy it?”

Me: “Actually, I think I like the original flavor better.”

Cashier: *angrily* “So, you already tried it, but you’re buying it anyways?!”

Me: “Oh, the other one is actually for my roommate. She loves them!”

Cashier: “Well, I don’t know why you’d buy it if you already tried it.”

Me: “Um, sorry?”

Cashier: *sticks her tongue out in a ‘gag’ gesture* “EEEEEYYYEEECCCHHH!”

Me: “Okay?”

Cashier: “And why are you buying boxes? You can just ask your friends for boxes!”

Me: “Well, I’m moving at 6 am, and I don’t think any of my friends are up right now.”

Cashier: “There’s no reason to buy boxes. That’s just stupid!”

Me: *speechless*

(I am the manager. One afternoon, my assistant manager and one of my employees come up to me.)

Assistant Manager: *completely straight-faced* “Is it, or is it not okay for me to take a plastic bag and place it over employees head while he is serving a customer?”

Me: “Um…no, it’s not.”

Employee: “Well, that’s what he just did.”

Assistant Manager: “But the customer laughed!”

Me: “Hey, [Supervisor], I know it’s two months away, but I wanted to let you know I need my graduation day off.”

Supervisor: “That’s fine, but you need to put the request in the system two weeks before. But I’ll be sure to approve it.”

(A month and a half later…)

Me: “[Supervisor], I just put the request for my graduation day off into the system.”

Supervisor: “Oh, great; I’ll approve it right now.”

(The next day…)

Me: “So, am I all set for graduation?”

Supervisor: “Oh, I completely forgot! Let me do that right now.”

(This continued EVERY work day that week. Lo and behold, the next week’s schedule comes up with me on for my graduation day.)

Me: “I thought you said I was all set to have the day off?”

Supervisor: “Well, now that you’re on the schedule, you’ll need to find someone else to cover it for you. Too many other people were given the day off.”

Me: “But… You said…”

(My supervisor leaves me there with my jaw on the floor. Just then, my store manager walks by.)

Store Manager: “Hey, [My Name], what’s wrong?”

Me: “My supervisor wants me to work my graduation day.”

Store Manager: “Did you request it off in the system?”

Me: “Yes.”

Store Manager: “Oh, I see. I’ll take care of this!”

(When my shift ended that day, I saw that I was no longer scheduled for my graduation day. Even better: she made my supervisor cover for me.)