(My spouse, parents and I are visiting a popular studio tour for a certain movie series. It’s bank holiday weekend, so the crowds are pretty big. We’ve been queuing for a while, and as we’re led into the first room, we’re tired and restless, and surrounded by many people feeling just the same.)

Guide: *climbs onto a platform so everyone has a clear view of him* “Good afternoon, everyone! My name is [Guide] and I’m here to blow you this afternoon!”

(The guide freezed, realising what he’s just said. The kids were oblivious, but several adults, my family included, started giggling as the guide composed himself and continued as if nothing happened.)

(I’m hopping into a store to get one thing. I find what I need. It’s the last one they have, but the package is opened and looks badly damaged. Since it’s open, however, I’m able to see that everything that’s supposed to be there is and the product itself is fine. I decide to buy it anyway.)

Me: “Just this today, thanks.”

Cashier: “Of course.”

(The cashier goes to scan the barcode, but then just stares at the package for a good thirty seconds, even though the barcode is still there.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I just found it like that, and I didn’t see any more. But I figured it was still okay to buy.”

Cashier: “You… want to buy this?”

Me: *confused* “Yes… please?”

Cashier: “You want to buy this at full price?”

Me: *laughs* “Unless it’s on sale, but I don’t think it is. It’s the last one, and since it was open when I found it, I made sure everything was accounted for. I’ll just take this today, thanks.”

Cashier: “Sorry about that, ma’am. I’m just shocked you didn’t demand a discount.”

Me: “Why would I? The product itself is fine, and I’m not going to need the packaging once I get home.”

Cashier: “You’d be surprised at how crazy some people are.”

(I now seriously don’t doubt that a bit!)

(My dad rolled his ankle very badly while on his way to work. He has an important meeting, so he tried to ignore it until he got home. By the time he gets home his ankle is deep purple and swollen to the size of a grapefruit. My mom takes him to an urgent care clinic.)

Doctor: “Okay, sir. Let me check your vitals. Wow! Your blood pressure is really high.”

Dad: “Yeah, I haven’t taken my medicine yet tod—”

Doctor: “You really need to take your blood pressure medicine! It’s very important!”

Dad: “Well, I’m not here for that anyway. I’m here about my ankle.”

Doctor: “Well, you should be more concerned about that blood pressure!”

Mom: “He just switched blood pressure medications last week. We were told we wouldn’t see any change for a whi—”

Doctor: “But still! You need to take them every day!”

Dad: “I DO TAKE THEM EVERY DAY! I just got home from work. I take them before bed. Can you PLEASE tell me if my ankle is broken?”

Doctor: “I don’t think it is. Anyway, I think we need to get that blood pressure under control.”

Mom: “Look here. My husband fell on our driveway THIS MORNING. Over 12 hours ago! He has been walking on that ankle ALL DAY LONG. You would have high blood pressure in that situation, too, and no medicine in the world would fix that. Will you please look at my husband’s ankle?!”

Doctor: “Ugh, fine. No need to get b****y!”

Mom: “EXCUSE ME?! I want to see another doctor!”

Doctor: *smugly* “I’m the only one here.”

Mom: “Whatever! A nurse! A PA, anyone who can look at an X-ray and determine if my husband’s ankle is broken!”

Doctor: “I looked at the X-ray. He’ll be fine. Just stay off your feet for a few days. Just a sprain, you big baby!”

(My dad went to see his regular doctor, since he didn’t trust this one’s opinion. Surprise, surprise, he had a hairline fracture.)

(I work as a falconer. My sister is an auditor but loves working with the birds when she can so for Christmas I bought her an owl-shaped case for her iPhone. This conversation happened at her office.)

Manager: “That’s an odd case.”

Sister: “Yeah. It’s an owl. My sister bought it for me.”

Manager: “Why?”

Sister: “She’s a falconer.”

Manager: “She’s a falconer…”

Sister: “Yup.”

Manager: “So, I guess she’s got the interesting job, then.”

Sister: “Yeah, and my younger sister is a ballerina.” *laughs*

Manager: “And you’re an accountant…” *pauses and walks away shaking his head*

This story is part of the Christmas In The Workplace roundup!

Read the next Christmas In The Workplace roundup story!

Read the Christmas In The Workplace roundup!

(After years of working and toiling, I finally get my dream job. I settle in and really enjoy my work. However, despite being my dream job and carrying an awful lot of responsibility, most in my place of business consider the job to be an entry-level position. It’s something I’m painfully made aware of when there’s management changes, and I meet my new boss for the first time.)

Boss: “So, tell me about your career goals. What would you describe as your dream job?”

Me: “This. Right here. What I’m doing now.”

Boss: “Look. You don’t have to kiss up to me. You’re not going to get fired. Just tell me what you’d like to be doing in a few years.”

Me: “Well, in a few years, I’d like to still be here. This is the job I’ve always aspired to do. I’ve been doing it a few years now; I’ve gotten to know everyone in our market. I like it here quite fine!”

Boss: “I don’t think you understand this. No one dreams of doing this job.”

Me: “Well, I did, and I worked very hard to get here. Are you finding my work unsatisfactory?”

Boss: “No, no. I’ve read your file, and you go above and beyond at every opportunity.”

Me: “Then why are you trying to get rid of me?”

Boss: “Let me try another approach. Do you keep an eye on our competitors?”

Me: “Of course.”

Boss: “Out of everyone in our field, which would say does our business the best?”

Me: “Us, of course. That’s why I wanted to work here.”

Boss: “Come on. You can tell me. Out of all our competitors, isn’t there one that’s caught your eye?”

Me: “Well, if you’re pushing, I like some of the things that [Competitor] is doing.”

Boss: “YES! OK! Now we’re on to something! I want you to send an application to [Competitor]!”

Me: “What?”

Boss: “Don’t worry, [My Name]. I’m here to help everyone get out of these dead end, entry-level positions and on to their dream jobs! We’ll get you working at [Competitor] in no time!”

Me: “But…”

Boss: “No buts! We’ve determined that it’s your dream to work at [Competitor], and I’ll help you achieve that dream!”

(I still haven’t applied to our competitor, as the new boss hasn’t quite figured out his new job yet, and relies on little ol’ me, in my dead end, entry-level position, to fill him in.)