(I am in line at a bookstore, intending to purchase a large volume on the insects of Australia. With some other books, the whole purchase is well over $200. As I’m standing in line at the register to buy the books, I’m leafing through the insect book to see what it says. A clerk comes out of nowhere and scowls at me.)

Clerk: “Please don’t mangle that book. It’s very expensive.”

Me: “I’m not mangling it. I’m reading it.”

Clerk: “We encourage browsing, but that book is very expensive. Please put it back and stop mangling it.”

Me: “Well, I was going to buy it, but okay. I’ll put it back.”

Clerk: “Wait, you’re buying it? Why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “I thought that the fact I was standing in a line behind three people with my wallet out was clue enough. But I won’t be buying it now, because of your rudeness. I’ll buy it somewhere else. I hope you find another entomologist who likes a $150 scientific textbook on the local insects!”

(I left the store. The last thing I saw was the bookstore manager coming over to the clerk with a VERY displeased look on his face.)

(I work the guest services line at the call center for the [Cartoon Brand] catalog. We have begun selling ‘[Bear]Grams,’ which are ‘[Bear]’ teddy bears dressed up in costumes for holidays and special occasions. The holiday ‘[Bear]Grams’ always sell out and we frequently worry that they won’t be delivered on time. The situation is the worst for Easter, but finally, a few days before Easter, the warehouse receives a large shipment of Easter ‘[Bear]Grams’ and is able to ship all of the orders out in time. A week or two after Easter, I receive a call from a woman who is obviously in emotional turmoil.)

Customer: “I need help.”

Me: “How may I help you? Is everything all right?”

Customer: *continuing to cry* “Well, a few weeks ago, my family and I were scheduled to leave for vacation and my best friend got sick and went into the hospital. She assured me she would be fine and that we should not miss our vacation due to her minor illness. I called and ordered her a ‘Get Well [Bear]Gram’ and we headed out for our vacation. By the way, we’re Jewish.”

(I think: ‘what does THAT have to do with anything?’)

Customer: “While we were gone, my friend took a turn for the worse and died. My husband and I flew back for the funeral. Afterwards, I was talking to her sister and she said, ‘she really loved the “Easter [Bear]Gram” you sent her.'”

Me: *noticing that my manager is walking by* “Ma’am, I am so sorry. Can you hold on for one moment?” *I hit the hold button and turn frantically* “[Manager]! WE SENT A DYING JEWISH WOMAN AN ‘EASTER [Bear]GRAM’!”

Manager: *shock and confusion writ large across her face* “What? Give her back all of her money. Do whatever she needs you to do!”

(Obviously, in the Easter frenzy, the warehouse employees ‘decided’ that all of the ‘[Bear]Gram’ orders must be for Easter, and instead of sending the requested ‘Get Well [Bear]Gram,’ they did indeed send a dying Jewish woman an ‘Easter [Bear]Gram.’ Sometimes the customer is very, very right.)

(I decide to work with a recruiter. I’m sent to a small business for the interview. The owners, a wife and husband, are running late. After about 20 min they’re ready for me. After the usual interview back and forth the wife grills me a bit more.)

Wife: *with narrow beady eyes* “So, what adjectives would you use to describe yourself relating to work?”

Me: “Detail-oriented! Because I have a strong economics background, I know how critical micro-components can be with respect to macro-implications!”

Wife: *stares*

Me: “I’m also very diligent and strive for excellence in everything I do. Whether it be in my personal, academic, or professional life. Oh and I think it’s important to think outside the box and not always adhere for rigidity’s sake.”

Wife: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “Oh, and I’m not sure if you remember me? We took a class together back at [Local Community College] before I transferred to [Prestigious Local University]?”

Wife: *becoming flustered* “Oh, no, I don’t recall. I was just improving my skill-set to help me run MY BUSINESS.”

(The interview ends shortly after that. I thought all in all it went well. I would’ve taken the job short term for the money but wasn’t particularly interested; more on that soon. A couple of days later I follow up with the recruiter.)

Recruiter: “How did it go for you?”

Me: “Pretty good. I feel well qualified.”

Recruiter: “Well [Wife] didn’t really give rave reviews. She said you put her off because you said you had OCD.”

Me: “What? I used the words ‘detailed-oriented’ and ‘diligent.’ And this was for an accounting position!”

Recruiter: “I wouldn’t worry about it. She didn’t like anyone I sent to her and decided to delegate the role among existing staff.”

(So why wasn’t I thrilled about the job in the first place? In that class I took with her, the owner proved to be one the dizziest, scatter-brained people I have ever met! She completely flunked the class despite seeking help from classmates – including me!)

(During college, I had a summer job as a cashier in a grocery store.  I got along well with most of the staff, so they let me goof around a little bit. My last shift there before I went back to school, I had someone that the training warns you about.  If you work there, you couldn’t take checks unless they had their driver’s license or if they had a store card with a C# denoting they had check cashing privileges there. Having an unsecured card meant you had a D#.)

Me: “All right, your total is [amount].”

Customer: “Here you go.”  *hands me a check with a D# on it*

Me: “Uh, ma’am, does your card have a C# on it?”

Customer: No, a D#.”

Me: “Do you have your driver’s license?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I can’t take a check with a D# on it.”

Customer: “They’ve always taken it before.”

Me: “They weren’t supposed to.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t take a check without one or the other.”

Customer: “Well, my card has a D# and I didn’t bring my driver’s license.”

Me: “Well, I…”

Customer: “Listen, you little son of a *****, you take that **** check or I’ll call your manager.”

(At this point, knowing it’s my last shift, I decide I’m going to win this one.  I whip off my vest and name tag, and throw them on the floor.)

Me:  “FINE. If I’m going to be treated like this, I QUIT.”

(I walk off to the break room and sit down.  A few minutes later, a manager walks in, laughing.)

Me: “You don’t seem upset.”

Manager: “No, that was great.”

Me:” What did she tell you?”

Manager: “She said you threw a fit and wouldn’t take her check.  When I went through the number thing with her, she said that’s what you said.”

Me: “I did.”

Manager: “I figured.  I told her she made one of my best cashiers quit, and suddenly, she had her driver’s license.”

(I’m working at a cookie shop with my coworker who is quite tall and shapely. Guys frequently flirt with her, which is what’s currently going on.)

Coworker: “So are you interested in buying any cookies today?”

Guy #1: “Nah, we don’t really eat cookies.”

Coworker: “You could buy me a cookie!”

Guy #2: “Hey, sure!”

(The guys bought her a cookie, and she checked them out. After a little more flirting they went to leave. Turning to me, she counted down on her fingers. As soon as they were out of sight she put the cookie back in the case.)