(Two of my coworkers have decided to learn the phonetic alphabet and are looking at a website with a list on it.)
Coworker #1: “Why is Z ‘zulu’? It doesn’t make sense!”
Coworker #2: “Yeah, it would be better if it was zebra.”
Coworker #1: “Or xylophone!”
Me: “… Xylophone starts with an ‘X.'”
Coworker #1: “Oh, yeah…”
(I am the customer, shopping a yarn and knitting shop that is rival to the one I work at. I notice a knitted cardigan on display in the yarn aisles and approach a lady at the counter. I really like it and want to start on it that day.)
Me: “Excuse me. Could you tell me where the pattern is to the blue cardigan hanging in the yarn aisle?”
Cashier: *snapping at me* “You can’t have it for free.”
Me: “I only asked you where it is.”
Cashier: “Well, you can’t have it for free. You HAVE to buy that pattern.”
Me: “I didn’t ask for you to give to me for free. I asked you where it was.”
Cashier: “It’s in a book and I’m not about to give it to you for free.”
Me: “Okay, will you tell me which book it is in?”
Cashier: *points to book on display BEHIND the counter*
Me: “Can I see it, please?”
Cashier: “It’s not free. You have to buy the whole book.”
Me: “I NEVER ASKED FOR IT FOR FREE!”
(I go off to look for the recommended yarn. Another staff member walks through the yarn section.)
Me: “Excuse me. Do you know where this yarn is?”
Staff Member: “I don’t know anything about the yarn section.” *walks off*
(I head over to counter and pull my out phone to ring my work.)
Me: “Hey, [Colleague]. I’m at [Rival Store] and am being given shocking customer service. Can you check to see if we carry this knitting book and yarn please?”
(It turned out we did. I just had to wait a couple of days till my next shift.)
(I like to bake and I often make home-made bread. I like to make a loaf or two on the weekends and then I have bread for toast all week. I’ve done it for years. But at one office where I worked, I’d come in early and eat my toast in the employee lunch room and one coworker would force me into this conversation almost daily.)
Coworker: “Where did you get that bread?”
Me: “I made it.”
Coworker: “Oh, do you have a bread machine?”
Me: “Nope, made it without one.”
Coworker: “That’s not possible. You HAVE TO have a bread machine to make bread.”
Me: “How do you think your grandmother made bread before they invented bread machines?”
Coworker: *deer in headlights look*
(This went on over and over because she simply refused to believe it was possible for someone to make bread without using a bread machine.)
(I am working in the box office, sporting a nicely waxed handle-bar moustache. A couple of older ladies come to buy tickets to a movie.)
Lady #1: *to me* “Do you have a senior discount?”
Lady #2: *to Lady #1* “They don’t have a senior discount. [Other Theater] has a senior discount.”
Me: But [Other Theater] doesn’t have me.”
Lady #2: “Are you worth the extra $5?”
Me: *pointing to my moustache* “The moustache alone is worth the extra $5.”
(Both ladies walked into the show smiling.)
(I have just finished talking to a guy who is very upset that we we’re sold out. A few days later after that, my manager and I have a chat.)
Manager: “You know, I got a complaint a few days ago from a guy that was upset about one of our workers not helping him find a room.”
Me: “Oh, I think I spoke to him! He got really rude when I told him we had no more rooms. He demanded that I find him one.”
Manager: “Yeah, I thought it was you. He complained that you were very unhelpful.”
Me: “But he didn’t even stay here! How could he complain?”
Manager: “Well, he can. And he did.”
Me: “…”
Manager: “Just ‘act’ more sympathetic on the phone, okay?” *leaves*
