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Bad boss and coworker stories

She’s A Worka-hurl-ic

| Working | September 15, 2012

(I’m checking out a few things for dinner and miscellaneous items. I walk up, put my things on the belt and the cashier starts to ring me out.)

Cashier: “Did you find everything okay?”

Me: “Yes, thank you. ”

Cashier: “Excuse me…” *grabs trash can*BLAAAAARFFFFFFFF!

(The cashier vomits violently into the trash can for an unholy period of time. Just as I’m expecting her head to spin, she stops.)

Me: “Holy crap! Are you okay?”

Cashier: “Holy crap! I’m fine.” *wipes mouth with paper towel*

(Surprisingly, she reaches for my items and continues to ring me out. She does flip the light for the manager, though.)

Cashier: “That will be [price].”

Me: “Why don’t you sit down?”

Cashier: “I’m fine. Credit or debit?”

(At this point, the manager shows up.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

(The cashier hands over the trash can, which is audibly sloshing with its contents.)

Cashier: “I need a new can, please.”

Manager: “Again?! Okay. Want to go home?”

Cashier: “Nope. All better.”

Manager: “Alright. But make it a third time, then I’ll clone you for your work ethic and send you home!”

In One Ear And Rot The Other

| Working | September 14, 2012

(I’m looking over the strawberries in a grocery store when I notice that one package contains a strawberry that is covered with furry greenish-gray mold. I notify a nearby employee.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “Yes?”

Me: “I was just over looking at the strawberries and I noticed one in this package that is covered in mold.”  

(I try to hand the package to him, but he doesn’t take it.)

Employee: “I’m not authorized to give any discounts. You’ll have to talk to someone at the customer service desk.”

Me: “Oh no… I don’t what to buy them… for any price. I wouldn’t even take them if they were free.”

Employee: “I doubt they’ll give them to you for free.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “I’m sure they’ll give you a discount, but they won’t just let you take them.”

Me: “We’re misunderstanding each other. I don’t want to buy these.”

Employee: “Okay.”

Me: “I thought I should bring this moldy strawberry to an employee’s attention, so that you can throw them away or do whatever it is you do with rotten fruit. Somebody could get sick.”

Employee: “Okay.”

Me: “So… here.”  

(I try to hand the package to him again, but he continues to ignore me. I set the package on the edge of his cart and walk away. What does he do? He takes the moldy strawberries and puts them back with the other ones!)

Phenotypical Incorrectness

| Working | September 14, 2012

(At the campground where I work, two girls complain that someone has stolen their picnic table. So, I go out, find it, and help them drag it back to their site. When they check out, they write on our comment card that I was helpful and friendly.)

Me: *reading the comment card* “Oh, those nice lesbians gave me a positive comment!

Coworker: “How do you know those girls were lesbians? Just because they were camping together doesn’t mean they were! The could just be friends. You’re being rude!”

Me: “Well, seeing as one of them had a tattoo with intertwined female symbols, complained about being labeled as butch while we were moving the table, and kissed the other when she bought her ice cream, I’m gonna go with lesbians.”

Shiver Me Torrents

| Working | September 14, 2012

(My dad and I are at an electronics store asking an employee for a USB DVD drive.)

Employee: “So, what do you need this for anyway?”

Me: “Just to to have one that works to read things.”

Employee: “Well, instead of using your CDs, you can just download stuff. It’s not illegal. Just pirate it; I do it all the time!”

About To Have A Lot Of Time On Their Hands

| Working | September 13, 2012

(Note: our computers are really old and crash all the time. We aren’t allowed to close the store unless there’s an emergency, so we have paper forms to do transactions by hand when this happens. We’ve also recently hired a new and relatively clueless manager.)

Me: “Oh, crap. Hey [new manager], the computers are down again and rebooting them isn’t working. Can you call comp support so we can get them fixed?”

New Manager: “Oh, sure, just let me lock up the store first.”

Me: “Um, we’re not allowed to lock up the store just because the computers are down.”

New Manager: “If we can’t do business, we have to lock up the store.”

Me: “We do transactions by hand when the computers are down and put them into the computers later.”

New Manager: “But that’s impossible! No one can do business without computers! Business didn’t even EXIST before computers!”

Me: “It’s entirely possible. It just takes a calculator and some patience.”

New Manager: “Well, I’m not doing that s***. I’m going to lock up the store until the computers are up.”

(At this point, the store manager has just come in for her shift and has heard part of our conversation.)

Store Manager: “Actually, you can do transactions by hand or you can be fired.”

New Manager: “You can’t fire me for that!”

Store Manager: “For violating company policy and refusing to do your job? Yes I can!”