(I’m contacting tech support of a well-known manufacturer of external hard drive backup units.)
Technician: “Thank you for calling [Company Name]; how can I assist you?”
Me: “I have a hard drive that is smoking. I need to send it in for service, as well as verify there are no safety concerns for the others we have purchased.”
Technician: “Okay, can you please connect the product and switch it on?”
Me: “Did you just seriously ask me to plug in a product that is smoking and potentially a fire hazard?”
Technician: “…yes.”
Me: “…okay!”
(At this point, I decide to have a little fun with this technician with my coworker.)
Me: “Okay, I’ve plugged it in, and now it’s smoking.”
Technician: “Okay, can you now please—”
Me: “Now it has caught fire; there are flames coming out the back.”
Coworker: “Is something burning? OH MY GOD! CALL 911! I’ll get the fire extinguisher!”
Technician: “Oh, my, umm, uh, I will need to connect you with my manager.”
(I am standing in line at a restaurant, waiting to order lunch. I eat there often, and the owner has just decided a couple of weeks ago that the restrooms are for paying customers only. A woman rushes in; she seems to be quite ill.)
Woman: “Bathroom. Now, please!”
Owner: “Sorry, the bathroom is for paying customers only!”
(The woman glances at the long lunch line in dismay.)
Woman: “I can’t wait that long. Can I buy something after?”
Owner: “Nope, you have to buy something first.”
(The woman looks at the next person in line imploringly.)
Woman: “Do you mind if I cut?”
Customer #1: “Nope, go ahead!”
Owner: “No, you need to go to the back of the line!”
Woman: “But I need—”
Owner: “To the back!”
Woman: “But I’m going to—”
(The owner opens his mouth to cut her off again, but then the woman vomits all over the counter and the owner. A second customer comes over to support the woman.)
Customer #2: “Since the OWNER said that only paying customers can use the bathroom, the OWNER can clean that mess up. Let’s go somewhere else for lunch!”
(The ENTIRE waiting line of people turned around and left the restaurant! Turned out the woman was pregnant and suffering from morning sickness.)
This story is part of the second Pregnancy roundup!
(This happened when the ‘Star Trek Experience’ was open in Vegas. One of the gimmicks were they had actors dressed as the franchise’s iconic aliens walking around the hotel.)
Me: “Excuse me; my son is asking for a picture with the Borg drones that were in the lobby earlier. Do you know where they went?”
Receptionist: “Hmm, if they aren’t on the floor then they’re probably participating on one of the rides.”
Me: “Well do you know when they’ll be back? I mean are they on a rotation to come out, or do they just walk around aimlessly whenever they aren’t needed?”
(The receptionist gives me a funny look.)
Receptionist: “Sir, they’re the Borg. Walking around aimlessly is kind of what they’re known for.”
(I stare blankly for a moment.)
Receptionist: “Sorry, I just couldn’t let that one slip.”
Me: “No, no that was actually pretty good.”
(We eventually did manage to snag the drones after they reappeared, and specifically asked the receptionist to join us in the photo.)
Me: “Hello, I have a small problem. I’m using your website, and I need to transfer some money to a foreign museum’s account. They have asked me to take care of all the expenses, including those for their bank.”
Bank Representative: “Yes, you can select the option to charge all the expenses on their account.”
Me: “Um, yes, I saw that. But what I need to do is the opposite. I need to pay all the expenses myself, and not make them pay for everything; there doesn’t seem to be an option for this on your website. I was wondering if there was any way to do it, or if you had any suggestions.”
Bank Representative: “You CAN’T do that!”
Me: “Yes, I know there’s no option for that. I’m asking if there’s any way I could make sure they don’t—”
(At this point the representative starts yelling at me.)
Bank Representative: “You CAN’T DO THAT!”
Me: “Yes, as I was saying, I—”
Bank Representative: “You CAN’T do that! You can’t! You CAN’T!”
Me: “I—”
Bank Representative: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”
Me: “Huh. Alright, thank you very much. Have a nice day…”
