(A coworker has turned the temperature dial in my hot case all the way up to 10, when it’s supposed to be at 4.5. When I reach in to grab the metal tongs to serve a customer, my hand gets burned badly and I end up with blisters on my fingers. I go to a manager to find out where the first aid kit is.)
Me: “Look at this. I got blisters all over my hand.”
Manager: “Next time, use your other hand.”
(The bank has three ATMs, but one clearly has an ‘Out Of Order’ sign on it. It’s caused a small line, but everyone is understanding. Until one guy arrives; nothing was said during the exchange.)
Me: *next in line to use the ATM*
Guy: *runs ahead of me, smirking at me; jumps onto the broken machine while pushing the paper out of the way.*
Me: *quietly walks over to the next good machine, which is next to his*
Guy: *pushes buttons, only for the machine to spit his card back out*
Me: *walks away as he has to get to the back of the now-longer line*
(After determining that the Blu-ray player I want doesn’t have outputs that will work with my old TV, I’m trying to decide whether to wait two weeks, when I’ll be able to get a new TV also, or buy the player now, because it’s on sale.)
Me: “So, how long is this sale good for?”
Employee: *looks at shelf tag* “Wednesday. But don’t worry; it’ll be the same price.”
Me: “How’s that possible? Are you saying it’s not a real sale?”
Employee: “It’s a real sale. But these are always on sale.”
Me: “If it’s always the same price, it’s not really on sale.”
Employee: *backpedaling* “It’s not always the same price. Once this sale is over, it’ll be a different sale.”
Me: “So what will the price be after Wednesday?”
Employee: “It could be higher or lower. But it could be the same.”
Me: *laughing* “Well, that pretty much covers it.”
(I’m in the office, talking to the boss about a sick cat I’ve recently adopted.)
Me: “…so my roommate and I have spent a lot of time at the vet lately. But it’s worth it to have someone to come home to.”
Boss: “Yeah… I had a fish. He was a good companion. He’s been sick lately. I think he’s dead.”
Me: *general understanding noise*
Boss: “But at least I can have sushi tonight. Now he’ll satisfy me even more.”
Me: “…”
Boss: “That wasn’t right, was it?”
(It’s been a long day, and I just want some quick dinner so I pull into the drive-thru.)
Me: “Can I get a pretzel burger with no mustard, please?”
Worker: “That doesn’t come with mustard. It comes with lettuce, tomato, onion and honey mustard.”
Me: *facepalm* “No honey mustard then, please.”
(Sure enough, when I get home and take a bite out of my burger, it still has honey mustard on it.)
