(My office doesn’t have any on-site IT professionals, so one of my additional duties is to check our servers every day for problems and alert IT. One day, I notice one of our main servers has crashed, so I reboot it and send out the necessary e-mails so IT can dial in remotely and see if anything vital was damaged. This was the e-mail exchange.)

Manager: “Why don’t we have some kind of mechanism in place to alert IT as soon this happens?”

IT Manager: “We do have a mechanism in place. It’s [My Name] checking it every day and letting us know what’s happening.”

Manager: “Oh. Then I guess everything’s working as it should.”

(Nice to know everyone considers me just a ‘mechanism.’)

(I’m trying to apply for a position but it requires me to be logged in. Due to the fact that I don’t use the website very often I have forgotten my password. I write an email.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. Could you please help? I cannot change my password online.”

IT: “Please click ‘forgot my password.'”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot change my password using this method as it also states that my username is incorrect.”

IT: “Please contact the online help.”

Me: “I cannot do this as it requires me to log in.”

IT: “Sorry, can’t help you.”

(The helpdesk then refused to respond to any of my emails. Very helpful!)

(I interview for a position in a company. The company seems disorganised, and the interview process is very poor. I eventually get a call back.)

Caller: “Hi, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Speaking.”

Caller: “This is [Caller] from [Company]. I’m calling about your interview.”

Me: “Okay, yes.”

Caller: “We would like to make you an offer of amount [£1000 above my asking rate].”

Me: “Oh, great. No thanks.”

Caller: “Sorry, did you say no? It’s more than you asked for. Have you found another job?”

Me: “No, no. I’m still looking.”

Caller: “So why are you refusing the job?”

Me: “Well. to be honest with you, despite the fact that you left me waiting around for nearly quarter of an hour, and despite that I was subject to a quiz that I wasn’t warned nor prepared for, the job requirement and what you expect for the applicant just don’t match up.”

Caller: “I don’t follow.”

Me: “You say you are looking for an engineer, but looking around and talking to your staff, you need a manager there. I just don’t think I can make the difference you need in that role.”

(I’m beaming inside, as that sounded (out loud at least) like an intelligent technical response, completely pulled out of the air. I know I can do the manager job, but it is a different pay scale completely.)

Caller: “Well, you could do those bits on top of your normal job..”

Me: “Unpaid, unrecognised, and not on the job description?”

Caller: “Err, yes, that does sound a bit silly, doesn’t it?”

(I wrap up the call. She states that she will go away and talk to her boss. I get another call.)

Caller: “Hi, [My Name]. I spoke to my boss who said that he can change the job description to include those extra roles.”

Me: “The same title?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “No extra money?”

Caller: “Err… yes.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Caller: *sounding deflated* “Oh.”

(I didn’t hear anything from that company again, but I kept getting called from several different recruiters, telling me how perfect I would be for that role and how urgent it is that they get someone, but never any more money and always the same title.)

(I really hate onions, so whenever there is a dish with onions, I ask to have them removed. I hate them so much that I even have a special name for them.)

Waitress: “What’ll you have?”

Me: “I’ll have the veggie fajitas without onions please.”

Waitress: “No onions? But that’s the best part.”

Me: “Not for me they’re not. I hate onions…  They’re the devil’s fruit!”

Waitress: *pauses for a moment* “What religion are you?!”

(I’ve liked comics since I was a little girl but I’d always been too shy to go to a comic store, for various reasons. I finally wander into one to get a birthday present for my sister and have a terrible time finding it until I swallow my embarrassment and ask for help. Shyly, I ask him where they keep the Transformers comics.)

Cashier: *surprised* ” People don’t usually ask for those! We might be out, but I’ll show you where they would be.”

(Sure enough, I find exactly what I am looking for. I start coming in pretty regularly during lunch break, always looking for Transformers comics. Then one afternoon, I walk in and find one issue of the newest comic. I grab it, and when I turn around, the cashier is grinning.)

Cashier: “I always order extra Transformers now.”

(Needless to say, I will continue frequenting that store.)