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Bad boss and coworker stories

Backdate To The Future

| Working | May 30, 2012

(I have just checked my credit report for the first time, and notice a store credit card I had never opened. I call the credit company to report this.)

Me: “My report lists a delinquent account on a [store] credit card. I’ve never had a card with that store.”

CSR: “It says here the account was opened in 1974.”

Me: “Well, that must be a mistake. I wasn’t born until 1978.”

CSR: “Could you have opened the account and then forgotten about it?”

Me: “…I’m going to need to speak to someone else.”

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You Shall Not Pass

| Working | May 30, 2012

Me: “Okay, now log into [program] with your username and password.”

Coworker: *types in username and password; the password is denied*

Me: “Did you reset it this morning when you logged in for the first time?”

Coworker: “Yes!” *angrily tries again; is denied again*

Me: “Make sure caps lock isn’t on.”

Coworker: “IT ISN’T!”

Me: “Well, I guess we have to call I.T.”

Coworker: “Oh, wait. I have to use the SAME password every time I log in?”

Me: “…Yes. Yes you do.”

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How Do You Like Them Apples

| Working | May 29, 2012

(I’ve just been hired to work at a candy store.)

Me: “I’m really excited to learn how to make candy apples!”

Owner: “I’m sorry, but that’s not part of your job. Only Mario does them.”

Me: “Can he teach me? You know, in case we run out and customers want them, or—”

Owner: “No. Only Mario does the candy apples!”

(A few weeks later, our shelves are running low on shelved candy and we have three crates of unused apples. Mario isn’t scheduled to come in for a few days, and people are asking about the candy apples. I am the only person in the store, so I decide to make some myself using the instructions on the bag. The owner comes in.)

Owner: *confused* “These are nice candy apples! But Mario wasn’t supposed to be in today.”

Me: “Uh…I made them. We had a lot of apples and hardly any candy, so I thought—”

Owner: “Why haven’t you done these before?! You should make them all the time!”

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Penny Unwise And Pound Foolish

, | Working | May 29, 2012

(It’s shortly after a large chain started offering “1/3 Pound” burgers. I overhear the following conversation while I waited for my order to be ready.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the 1/3 Pounder and the 1/4 Pounder?”

Cashier: “Well, it’s a 1/3 Pounder, so it’s smaller than the 1/4 Pounder.”

Customer: “Why would anyone want that?”

Cashier: “It’s probably for people who don’t want as much food. People watching their weight or something.”

Customer: “So, why does the 1/3 Pounder cost more than the 1/4 Pounder?”

Cashier: “I…think it’s made from higher quality meat?”

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No Pain, No Brain

| Working | May 29, 2012

Coworker: “Hey, I’m bored.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s really slow today.”

(My coworker wanders around for a bit before returning with a stapler.)

Coworker: “Wanna see something awesome?”

Me: “Like what?”

Coworker: “I can put a staple in my hand, and it won’t even hurt!”

(At this point I am wondering a little bit if he might be high or something, since he is saying this with complete sincerity.)

Me: “Please don’t, you could really—”

(He flips open the stapler as I am saying this, and jabs himself right in the middle of his hand.)

Me: “—hurt yourself.”

(He stares at his hand for about ten seconds before letting out an ear-splitting scream.)

Coworker: “OWWW! Why is it bleeding?! Why is it hurting?!”

Me: “Um, because you just stabbed yourself with a stapler?”

Coworker: “But stapling yourself shouldn’t hurt! Why does my hand hurt?!”

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