(I’m putting store stickers on merchandise when I pull out a hoodie that has the TARDIS from Doctor Who.)

Me: *turns to coworker* “It’s a Doctor Whoodie!”

Coworker: *snorts in amusement*

(My husband and I live in a farmhouse in the country. We frequently smell natural gas in the area and have called the company several times over a period of months. You can smell it around a certain intersection in a car. If the wind is right, the smell can be so strong it can almost knock you out.)

Me: “Hi, there is a strong smell of gas in [area].”

Operator: “Please do not plug or un-plug electronic devices and we will have someone over to investigate.”

(Several weeks later…)

Me: “Hi, we still smell gas.”

Operator: “Please do not plug or un-plug electronic devices and we will have someone over to investigate.”

(Several weeks later…)

Me: “Hi, we still smell gas.”

Operator: “Yeah, there’s a gas leak somewhere around there. We haven’t been able to find it, though.”

Me: “…So, are you guys working on it?”

Operator: “We can’t do anything more than look for it. We haven’t found it, so we can’t fix it.”

Me: “…So there is definitely a gas leak in our area, but you can’t find it, so it’s just going to keep leaking?”

Operator: “Yes.”

(We moved shortly after that. We’ve been back to the area several times since then and it still smells of gas.)

(I’m 25 and have been working for several years. I’ve only just learned to drive and passed the test. I decide to go with a lease car suggested by my dad’s friend, since it actually works out cheaper as a long-term investment. I’m calling the car company’s insurance line.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling to activate my seven-days free insurance for my new car?”

Agent: “Okay, I just need your personal details and the details of your car.”

(I give her them, including my date of birth and the manufacture year of the car.)

Agent: “Ooh, that’s a new model! Somebody’s being spoilt!”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Agent: “You’re getting [Car] as your first car? There’s no way a teenager could afford that. Mummy and daddy must love you! Lucky for some!”

Me: “Actually, I’m paying for this out of my own pocket. If you’ll notice my age, I’ve held off on learning to drive and buying a car until I could afford to pay for it all – and run it – myself.”

Agent: “Oh. Well… how was I supposed to know?”

Me: “Maybe in the future, don’t make assumptions about people!”

(My restaurant’s policy is to give everyone who comes in for a job interview empty cup for a complimentary drink while they wait.)

Interviewee: “Hi, I’m here for an interview at [time]?”

Me: “All right. Here, I think I’m supposed to give you this.” *hands her a drink cup* “Sit down somewhere over there and I’ll tell a manager you’re here.”

Interviewee: *standing there awkwardly holding the cup* “Is this for a drink or do I need to pee in it?”

Me: “Uh, it’s for a drink.”

(I’m talking with my manager about some mysterious parts that showed up.)

Manager: “Well, it looks like they were part of a kit and just didn’t get installed or were leftovers.”

Me: “So can we sell them, or get rid of them?”

Manager: “Can’t sell them or keep them, so…” *he suddenly looks very serious* “You’ll have to get rid of them.”

Me: *trying to look serious* “Little-cement-booties get rid of them?”

Manager: *nods* “You know what you have to do…”