(I’m working at the service desk and start looking for something. Coworker #1 tells me I left it in the break room, I quickly go and fetch it and come back.)

Me: “Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

Coworker #2: “Yes, actually. A dragon came up to the desk and said, ‘give me your marbles,’ and I said, ‘I don’t have any marbles.’ Then he said, ‘I know you have them,’ so I coughed them up, because that’s where I keep my marbles – inside my body. Then the dragon said, ‘Quickly, boy, get on my back. There’s no time to explain,’ and there were these three guardians on his back and he flew towards the exit, flying so fast he appeared to shrink and time appeared to slow down, and he looked like a beam of light. So, yeah. That’s what you missed while you were gone.”

Me: “All I got out of all that is you lost your marbles.”

(I am on vacation in a small island town. There’s a diner down the street from my hotel, which serves a breakfast buffet on the weekends. During the week, I go in and order from the regular menu.)

Me: “I’ll have two eggs over-easy, hash browns, toast, and the corned-beef hash.”

Waitress: “Sure, sweetie, it’ll be right up.”

(The diner isn’t terribly full, so my plate comes pretty quick. Only there’s something wrong.)

Me: “Wait, I ordered the hash, not the sausage.” *points to the two brown patties on my plate*

Waitress: “That is the hash. If it was sausage, it’d be brown.”

(For those who have never eaten hash, it usually comes in scoops, not neat patties like sausage. Also, sausage is brown, too. I’m confused, and cut into the patties. Sure enough, it’s corned-beef hash, perfectly cooked in round circles. The funny thing is, on the weekend buffet, hash is served in scoops.)

Me: “Err, okay.”

Waitress: *looking at me intently* “It’s hash!”

Me: *confused at her reaction* “Yes, I can see that. Thank you.”

(I turn to my plate, to see several of the fry cooks staring intensely at me, as I’m seated at the counter.)

Fry Cooks: “It’s hash!”

Me: *starting to feel really uncomfortable* “Yes, thank you. I was just surprised, is all.”

Fry Cooks: “It’s hash!”

(I still eat it, and it was good, but everyone from the hostess to the manager, about ten people, just had to assure me it was really hash, giving me very intense and rather creepy stares. I never figured out why they were so insistent on it being hash.)

(I overhear two employees talking. It’s mid-July and it has been extremely hot and humid this particular week.)

Employee #1: “So I was pushing carts outside and [Boss] saw me and told me to stop sweating so much.”

Employee #2: “Sooo… [Boss] wants you not to work so hard?”

Employee #1: “I guess?”

(I go into a coffee shop with my mum and grandma. One of the baristas has a promotional t-shirt on advertising their new raspberry and white chocolate frappé. A different barista serves us.)

Me: “Hi, can I get a raspberry and white chocolate frappé, please?”

Barista: “I’m sorry, we don’t do those. We only have plain chocolate ones.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I only asked because I saw it on his t-shirt.”

Barista: “That was part of a promotion which has ended. We do a raspberry and white chocolate one, though?”

Me: “Isn’t that exactly what I just said…?”

(I’m at a well-known ticket booth in Times Square to buy Broadway tickets for myself and a friend. My friend is particular about getting close seats.)

Me: “I’d like two tickets to [Show]. Do I have any choice about the location of the seats?”

Employee: “Well, the computer automatically gives ‘best available.’ But if you want, I can give you ‘worst available.'”

Me: “…”

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