Bad boss and coworker stories

Like Watching A Sub Opera

, | Working | April 25, 2012

(I walk into a sandwich shop and order two subs. When I make it to the cash register, I see two cashiers and hand one of them a coupon: two meals for $10.00. The cashiers aren’t sure how to use the coupon, so they begin arguing. After arguing for ten straight minutes, my friend — who has been waiting outside — pokes his head in the door to see if I am almost done. Hearing this, one of the cashiers cuts in.)

Cashier #1: “Is that your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, he’s—”

Cashier #2: “What a boyfriend! Sends a girl in to get him his food, and with a coupon!”

Me: “He’s really not my boy—”

Cashier #1: “I bet he told you to go get him a sandwich, didn’t he?”

Me: “He’s not my—”

Cashier #2: “Here, this cookie is for you. Break up with that jerk!”

Me: “But we’re not—”

Cashier #1: “I better not see you sharing this cookie with him. It’s for you!”

Me: “Okay, I won’t. I’ll just break up with him, then.”

Both Cashiers: “You do that!”

(I went outside and explained to my friend that I was “breaking up” with him because the sub shop cashiers told me to. All the while, the cashiers were inside applauding over my “break up.”)

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A Bit Sweet Behind The Ears

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I’m nursing a sore throat, so I bring some honey in to work with me one day.)

Coworker: “Are you gonna put that honey in something to drink?”

Me: *joking* “No, I put it in my ear.”

Coworker: “What? Why?”

(I think he’s just playing dumb, so I play along.)

Me: “Because it helps sore throats.”

Coworker: “No way…how?”

(At this point, a call interrupts us. I’m pretty sure that either he’ll understand it was a joke or someone will set him straight. But then, a few hours later…)

Coworker: “Seriously, do you use a Q-tip to get it in there, or what?”

Me: “No, I just use one to get out the excess honey.”

Coworker: “But seriously, how does that work?”

Me: “You just pour it in and it soothes everything.”

Coworker: “Wow!”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*

Coworker: *feeling dumb* “Oh.”

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A Brain Is A Power-ful Thing To Waste

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I work in the help center at our company, and receive the following call from an employee.)

Me: “Help desk, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Employee: “My monitor is blank.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Are your computer and monitor turned on?”

Employee: “I think?”

Me: “Okay, hold on one sec…”

(I verify that their computer is in fact turned on.)

Me: “Okay, your screen saver has probably activated. Can you try moving your mouse or pressing some buttons on your keyboard for me?”

Employee: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, I need you to do something for me. Look at the lower right hand corner of your monitor. See that gray button there?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s the power button. Go ahead and press that for me.”

Employee: “Yeah, I see my desktop now. I didn’t realize I had to press that button!”

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Viva La Rip-olucion

| Working | April 25, 2012

(A package has just arrived with an advertisement poster that our department is supposed to display.)

Me: “[Manager], we got a package.”

Manager: *opens package* “Oh, it’s another one of those poster ads. I hate these! We even already have one of just like this. Hmm…”

(My manager folds the poster twice and steps on it, ripping it. He then stuffs it in the trashcan.)

Manager: “Oh, darn. It looks like it got damaged in the shipment. I guess we can’t use it!”

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Why Don’t You Lead By Example

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I’ve made a call to a business and have reached the owner of the shop. I’ve given him a short description of the health and safety training we offer for his employees.)

Boss: “Health? Safety? I wouldn’t care if all my employees died today!”

Me: “Uh…okay. Thank you for your time.” *hangs up*

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