Bad boss and coworker stories

Dementia In Absentia

, , | Working | April 26, 2012

(The owner of the place isn’t all quite there — too much to drink some days — and hardly knows how to run a business. Every day, she calls in to check on business.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Welcome to [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Owner: *sounds hungover* “[My Name]? When did you start working?”

Me: “I’ve been here since we opened at seven am.”

Owner: “What time is it now?”

Me: “Almost 11.”

Owner: “Okay, I’ll be in around noon.”

(Noon rolls by and she doesn’t show up until around six pm.)

Owner: “Sorry, I’m late. I had to do errands.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m almost finished cleaning up and then I’ll be leaving.”

Owner: “That’s fine.”

(The owner pulls out a bottle of rum hidden in the freezer, grabs a cake from the cooler, and then empties out the register.)

Owner: “I’m going home now. See you tomorrow.”

Me: “All right. I’ll lock up when I’m done.”

(I finish cleaning up by seven pm and just before I lock up, my cellphone rings. It shows my boss on the caller ID.)

Me: “Hi, [Boss], I’m leaving now.”

Owner: “On your way home can you drop me off my bottle of rum, maybe a cake, and tell me how much money is in the drawer?”

Me: “Uh, when you stopped by earlier, you took the rum, the cake, and the money.”

Owner: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Yes, you did. You put your money in your pocket, and took the bottle of rum and the cake to your car.”

Owner: “I swear you stole it! I’m going to call the cops and they’ll be arriving the same time that I get there!”

Me: “I swear that you stopped by and picked up the rum, your cake, and the money from the register not even an hour ago.”

(I hear a car door open in the background, followed by a string of swears.)

Me: “I take it you found what you were looking for?”

Owner: *flustered* “You lucked out this time! I found the cake and the money, but the bottle of rum is empty and sitting on the passenger seat of my car!”

Me: “Did you drink it on your way home? I don’t think the cops would have appreciated that.”

Owner: *click*

(I closed up shop, left my key, and never returned to work after that!)

1 Thumbs
2,704

Just Grit And Bear It

| Working | April 26, 2012

(I go to my local superstore in search of sandpaper to fix a door frame. I spot an employee putting away groceries.)

Me: “Hi…where can I find sandpaper?”

Employee: *confused* “…Papaya?”

Me: “No, no. Sandpaper, for making things smooth.”

Employee: *confused* “Computer?”

Me: *giving up* “Thanks, I’ll try and find it myself.”

Employee: *sudden look of comprehension* “Shelf!”

1 Thumbs
854

The Type Of Wipe Can Make One Gripe

| Working | April 26, 2012

(I’m a male customer at the local retail superstore. Having just had an unfortunate experience in the bathroom, I inform the employee at the service desk that there is no toilet paper.)

Me: “There is no toilet paper in the restroom.”

Employee: “The men’s restroom?”

Me: “Well, I certainly wouldn’t have been in the women’s restroom.”

Employee: “You don’t have to take that tone with me, sir.”

Me: “You’d take the same tone if you had to use your sock.”

1 Thumbs
1,848

A Bit Sweet Behind The Ears

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I’m nursing a sore throat, so I bring some honey in to work with me one day.)

Coworker: “Are you gonna put that honey in something to drink?”

Me: *joking* “No, I put it in my ear.”

Coworker: “What? Why?”

(I think he’s just playing dumb, so I play along.)

Me: “Because it helps sore throats.”

Coworker: “No way…how?”

(At this point, a call interrupts us. I’m pretty sure that either he’ll understand it was a joke or someone will set him straight. But then, a few hours later…)

Coworker: “Seriously, do you use a Q-tip to get it in there, or what?”

Me: “No, I just use one to get out the excess honey.”

Coworker: “But seriously, how does that work?”

Me: “You just pour it in and it soothes everything.”

Coworker: “Wow!”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*

Coworker: *feeling dumb* “Oh.”

1 Thumbs
856

A Brain Is A Power-ful Thing To Waste

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I work in the help center at our company, and receive the following call from an employee.)

Me: “Help desk, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Employee: “My monitor is blank.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Are your computer and monitor turned on?”

Employee: “I think?”

Me: “Okay, hold on one sec…”

(I verify that their computer is in fact turned on.)

Me: “Okay, your screen saver has probably activated. Can you try moving your mouse or pressing some buttons on your keyboard for me?”

Employee: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, I need you to do something for me. Look at the lower right hand corner of your monitor. See that gray button there?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s the power button. Go ahead and press that for me.”

Employee: “Yeah, I see my desktop now. I didn’t realize I had to press that button!”

1 Thumbs
716