Bad boss and coworker stories

In Pained English

| Working | May 30, 2012

(I’m a young white female in the women’s clothing department. I walk up to the register to purchase a t-shirt. In front of me is a middle-aged Chinese customer. She has a slight accent, but speaks English fluently and is very easily comprehensible.)

Chinese Customer: “Hi, do you have this in a size 8?”

(Instead of responding normally, the employee shouts and speaks very slowly to the Chinese lady, as if she can’t understand English.)

Employee: “OKAY. JUST. WAIT. WHILE. I. CHECK. THE. COMPUTER!”

Chinese Customer: “That’s okay. I’m not in a hurry.”

Employee: “THERE. IS. ONE. IN. SIZE. 8. AT. ANOTHER. STORE. DO. YOU. WANT. TO. GO. THERE. OR. DO. YOU. WANT. US. TO. GET. IT?!”

Chinese Customer: “I’d rather that you asked them to send it to you. I don’t want to drive all that way. ”

Employee: “OKAY. PLEASE. GIVE. ME. YOUR. NAME. AND. ADDRESS. AND. PHONE. NUMBER!”

Chinese Customer: *gives details* “Thanks. When will it be in?”

Employee: “IN. ABOUT. TWO. TO. FOUR. DAYS!”

Chinese Customer: “Thanks.” *leaves*

(I walk up to counter.)

Employee: *speaking perfectly normal* “Hi, it’s such a great day, isn’t it? How are you today? Just this one?”

Me: *speechless*

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Backdate To The Future

| Working | May 30, 2012

(I have just checked my credit report for the first time, and notice a store credit card I had never opened. I call the credit company to report this.)

Me: “My report lists a delinquent account on a [store] credit card. I’ve never had a card with that store.”

CSR: “It says here the account was opened in 1974.”

Me: “Well, that must be a mistake. I wasn’t born until 1978.”

CSR: “Could you have opened the account and then forgotten about it?”

Me: “…I’m going to need to speak to someone else.”

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You Shall Not Pass

| Working | May 30, 2012

Me: “Okay, now log into [program] with your username and password.”

Coworker: *types in username and password; the password is denied*

Me: “Did you reset it this morning when you logged in for the first time?”

Coworker: “Yes!” *angrily tries again; is denied again*

Me: “Make sure caps lock isn’t on.”

Coworker: “IT ISN’T!”

Me: “Well, I guess we have to call I.T.”

Coworker: “Oh, wait. I have to use the SAME password every time I log in?”

Me: “…Yes. Yes you do.”

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Penny Unwise And Pound Foolish

, | Working | May 29, 2012

(It’s shortly after a large chain started offering “1/3 Pound” burgers. I overhear the following conversation while I waited for my order to be ready.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the 1/3 Pounder and the 1/4 Pounder?”

Cashier: “Well, it’s a 1/3 Pounder, so it’s smaller than the 1/4 Pounder.”

Customer: “Why would anyone want that?”

Cashier: “It’s probably for people who don’t want as much food. People watching their weight or something.”

Customer: “So, why does the 1/3 Pounder cost more than the 1/4 Pounder?”

Cashier: “I…think it’s made from higher quality meat?”

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No Pain, No Brain

| Working | May 29, 2012

Coworker: “Hey, I’m bored.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s really slow today.”

(My coworker wanders around for a bit before returning with a stapler.)

Coworker: “Wanna see something awesome?”

Me: “Like what?”

Coworker: “I can put a staple in my hand, and it won’t even hurt!”

(At this point I am wondering a little bit if he might be high or something, since he is saying this with complete sincerity.)

Me: “Please don’t, you could really—”

(He flips open the stapler as I am saying this, and jabs himself right in the middle of his hand.)

Me: “—hurt yourself.”

(He stares at his hand for about ten seconds before letting out an ear-splitting scream.)

Coworker: “OWWW! Why is it bleeding?! Why is it hurting?!”

Me: “Um, because you just stabbed yourself with a stapler?”

Coworker: “But stapling yourself shouldn’t hurt! Why does my hand hurt?!”

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