Me: “Hello?”

Voice: “This is [Name] from [Survey Company].”

Me: “Why would I possibly care?”

Voice: “Thank you, goodbye.”

Me: “Good answer.”

(I arrive at a sandwich shop for breakfast on my way to work and walk in to find an employee complaining to someone about a coworker.)

Employee: “…and she never cleans right! Now we’ve got wilted lettuce and slimy chicken!”

(They both suddenly stop and realize that I’ve been standing there for a large portion of the conversation.)

Employee: “Oh. Hi. What can I get you?”

Me: “Well, I was going to have food, but I think I’ll just get lemonade.”

(I moved to Germany quite recently and although I understand the language fairly well, I can only speak in simple sentences. I am also easily flustered. This happens at the university cafeteria, when I pick up a sandwich from the case and go to the counter to order a drink and pay for the items.)

Me: *holding up the sandwich and in my best German* “Here, please, and an orange juice to go.”

Grumpy Guy: *says something very fast in German, which I don’t understand*

Me: “Pardon?”

Grumpy Guy: *repeats the question equally fast, sounding irritated*

Me: *getting flustered, but doing my best* “Sorry, I don’t understa—”

Grumpy Guy: *cutting across me, still in German* “What. Kind. Of. SANDWICH, God d*** it!”

Me: “Oh, it’s the tomato and cheese. And an orange juice to go, please.”

(He glares at me, stomps off, and returns with the juice in a glass instead of a plastic cup.)

Me: *increasingly flustered* “Sorry, I’d like that to go, please.”

Grumpy Guy: “Argh, why the h*** didn’t you say so earlier?”

(He stomps off again, muttering to himself and finally returning with the juice in a plastic cup, which he bangs onto the counter. I move to pick it up but knock it over instead. Juice splashes all over the counter, my pants and the floor.)

Grumpy Guy: “You clumsy idiot! Now look what you’ve done! Bloody fool!”

Me: *very embarrassed and close to tears* “I’m really sorry! So sorry!”

(I grab paper towels and mop up the mess on the counter and the floor, apologizing profusely all the while. He just stands behind the counter, yelling at me, and I don’t understand a word he’s saying. Finally I finish cleaning up, pay for the items and rush out, very upset and getting stared at because of my wet pants all the way home. The next day, I’m relieved to see a different guy behind the counter. When I go to pay, however, I realize that I’ve picked up a sandwich with meat in it by mistake.)

Me: *hesitantly, in German* “Sorry, I’m a vegetarian and this has meat. May I put it back and get something else?”

(Before he can answer, the grumpy guy from the day before sees me and pipes up.)

Grumpy Guy: “Oh, she’s back with another problem, is she? Bloody fool, can’t do a thing right. So many people waiting behind her, too. It’s people like her who’re always causing trouble and holding up our work.”

Me: *speechless with anger which I am unable to articulate in German*

Second Guy: *looks shocked* “What are you saying? Shut up!” *to me* “No problem, ma’am, you can go pick out something else, and I sincerely apologize for my colleague’s rudeness. In fact, have any item you like for free.”

(He waited till I returned with a vegetarian option, even holding the queue for me, and refused to take any money for the order. As I walked away I could hear him arguing with the grumpy guy, who seemingly lost the battle and skulked off to the back. To the nice man who restored my faith in the cafeteria staff: Danke Schön!)

(I am with a group of around 40 coworkers at a training session before the holiday park opens for the summer season. One of my coworkers is pretty unpopular due to being withdrawn, quietly aggressive and generally giving off a weird and creepy vibe. As part of the training session our manager asks us for examples of incidents that we should report to security should we come across them in the course of our work. There is silence for a minute or two while everybody is thinking.)

Weird Coworker: *in a flat, matter of fact voice* “People killing their pets”

(We all turn to look at him unbelievingly, waiting for him to repeat thinking surely we didn’t hear him right.)

Weird Coworker: *again, perfectly matter of fact* “You know, like if a customer was killing their dog. We should report that.”

Manager: “Um, yeah… you should report that.”

Everyone Else: “…”

(The store has renovated the teen section at the entrance to look like a club with TVs blasting music videos.)

Mom: “This music is too loud!”

Me: “Even I can’t stand this volume.”

Mom: “Excuse me, miss? Does this music really have to be THIS loud?”

Employee: “That’s how they do it now. The teens love it! I can’t change it.”

Mom: “Well, I’m the one paying for these clothes. I won’t be coming back if I can’t even hear myself think.”

Employee: *shrug* “…Okay.”

(Within a month the music volume was set to a tolerable level. I imagine the corporation figured out that drawing in teens didn’t spike their profits with the rest of the customers being driven out.)