(I have been working at a tool warehouse for about two months and am hating it. My boss constantly shouts and criticizes me for everything, He has just asked me to sort a large tray of screwdriver heads into a small filing cabinet that is, max, two feet off the ground. I am kneeling.)

Boss: “[My Name]! What the f*** are you doing! You can’t sit on the floor in front of customers. Get the f*** up!”

(I get up and begin sorting whilst bending over.)

Boss: “What the f*** are you doing now! Did you not learn anything in health and safety? You can’t bend like that!”

Me: “So, what am I to do if I can’t sit kneel or bend?”

Boss: “I don’t care. Just do it. Pick it up if you have to.”

(The cabinet weighs a ton and I can’t pick it up, but I try nonetheless.)

Boss: “Are you f****** stupid! Don’t pick that up. It’ll cripple you!”

Me: “So don’t pick up, don’t sit, don’t kneel, don’t stand… What do I do?”

Boss: “F****** kill yourself, please. It’ll do me a favour!”

(The whole room goes silent and looks.)

Me: “Fine, then.”

(I pick up the tray which contains literally thousands of heads all sorted according to size and throw it over the back of my head, covering the floor in them.)

Me: “I quit.”

(I am not a fan of a coworker getting ready to move away. She has been utterly useless, confrontational, frequently hungover, and sometimes still drunk during her time at the restaurant and I make it no secret I dislike her.  Another coworker is passing around one of those ‘everybody says good luck’ cards to sign for her)

Coworker With The Card: “Hey, did you want to sign [Useless Coworker]’s card?”

Me: *looks at card, at the coworker, then out to the coworker about to move, and back again* “I prefer not to lie to people.” *walks away*

(My dad has answered a call informing him that he won some money through PCH. However, once the caller tells my dad that he has to put down ten percent of the total winnings, my dad is quick to hang up. This is the next day when my dad answers the phone for a second time.)

Caller: “Sir, may I ask why you hung up on us yesterday after being informed that you are our $500,000 winner?”

Dad: “Well, as I understood taxes are taken out of the amount at the end of the year, not when we are given the money and I just don’t believe you-”

Caller: “Well, f*** you, jack-a**!” *click*

(I’m in the drive-thru of a popular fast food chain and have just pulled up to give my order.)

Me: “Can I get a medium #10 with a Sprite and a—”

Employee: “A #10 with Sprite?”

Me: “Yes, and a [Sandwich], too.”

Employee: “A Sprite?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: “A SPRITE?”

Me: “…Yes?”

Employee: “A SPRITE?!”

Me: “YES!”

(I got a Coke.)

(My manager and a coworker are looking from another person to help process cash.)

Manager: “Is [Coworker] free?”

Me: “We’re ALL free. This is ‘Murica.”