(The store I work at is open on Thanksgiving, but only until 2 pm. At around 1:30, we start making our announcements that we’re closing soon and that people should make their way to the registers. It’s just me, two cashiers, and our scheduling manager on the front end. We thankfully have no issue getting everyone out, as our store manager does a walk around to help get people out. At 2 pm, we pull all but one till, just in case. Our store manager gets on the PA system again. Store Manager is not really a joker, and he’s new still and not many people are fond of him because he’s very strict.)

Store Manager: “The only remaining people in the store right now should be [Store] employees. Would all [Store] employees make their way to the front end.”

(He pauses.)

Store Manager: “[Scheduling Manager] will now release the dogs.”

(At the beginning of October, we got permission from the store owners to wear costumes on Halloween. Halloween is my favorite holiday so I go all-out and sew myself an elaborate pirate costume including a wide-brimmed hat decorated with a large dyed-red ostrich plume. Needless to say, my coworkers are impressed.)

Coworker #1: *touching my coat sleeve* Oh, my god, is that velvet?!

Me: *grinning* “It sure is. I got it on sale, too, or I would have used velveteen because it’s much cheaper.” *I point at my shirt* “And I made this from a twin-sized bed sheet that I caught on sale. It’s the same type of fabric I needed but it was much cheaper this way.”

Coworker #2: *pointing at the purse at my waist* “Did you make that, too? It looks really neat.”

Me: *nodding* “I had to have something to carry my money and cell phone and a modern purse just wouldn’t look good.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, but can we just talk about how awesome your hat is?” *she reaches for it then hesitates* “Can I get a closer look at it?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I pull off my hat and she and Coworker #2 look it over, murmuring to each other how amazing it is that my stitches are so straight and that it looks professionally made.)

Coworker #2: *pointing at my head* “Did you make that bandana, too?!”

Me: *even bigger grin* “Yes, I did! I couldn’t find one that I liked so I pulled some fabric from my stash box and made it last minute. It keeps the wool hat from making my hair all static-y and crazy.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, [Coworker #2], I know you’re about to clock out and are getting ready to leave but I’ve just got to have a picture of her costume, so please do me a big favor and cover the register for her.” *she holds up a digital camera* “I brought this to take pictures of my friends and family’s kids when they came in but you look awesome.”

(Coworker #1 then proceeded to take several pictures of me from different angles, with and without my hat. That was three years ago and she still has those pictures saved to her computer in an album of Halloween photos.)

(My coworker and I are always on the lookout for a new place to get coffee. As we were walking down Main Street, we spotted a new shop that had a large sign saying “WEDNESDAY SPECIAL: BUY ONE LATTE, GET ONE FREE”. Since it was a Wednesday, we thought that would be a good excuse to try the new place.)

Me: “We’d like two lattes, please.”

Clerk: “That will be [full price].”

Me: “Aren’t you having a buy one, get one free special?”

Clerk: “What? No.”

Me: “But your sign outside says you are.”

Clerk: “What sign?” *goes to take a look* “Oh, that sign. Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway. That’s only for Wednesdays.”

Me: “Today IS Wednesday.”

Clerk: “It is?”

(We never went back, and we weren’t surprised to see that they were closed a month later.)

(I am on the phone:)

Person: “Hi, can I talk to Human Resources?”

Me: “Um, we don’t have a Human Resources department in our store.”

Person: “I’d like to speak with Human Resources.”

Me: “We don’t have Human Resources at this store.”

Person: “Oh, well, someone, I think he said his name is Joe, called me and asked if I could come in for a job interview, but it went to my voicemail so I’m calling back.”

Me: “Oh! Okay! Let me get the manager for you. And by the way, the manager’s name is Phil.”

Person: “Did you say his name is Joseph?”

Me: “No, his name is Phil.”

Person: “I hate this phone. His name is Joe?”

Me: “Phil.”

Person: “Joe?”

Me: “Phil!”

Person: “Is it Bill?”

Me: *giving up* “Yes.”

This story is part of our Joe roundup!

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(I’m working behind the bar on a quiet afternoon with a member of staff who has been there a good few months by this point. I’m testing her on cocktail recipes to help her remember them whilst we have time, and she’s asking about various ingredients.)

Coworker: “I don’t think I’d like that cocktail. It has pineapple juice in it and I don’t like apples.”

Me: “…What?            ”

Coworker: “Pineapple’s a type of apple, and I don’t like apples!”