(I’m working behind the bar on a quiet afternoon with a member of staff who has been there a good few months by this point. I’m testing her on cocktail recipes to help her remember them whilst we have time, and she’s asking about various ingredients.)
Coworker: “I don’t think I’d like that cocktail. It has pineapple juice in it and I don’t like apples.”
Me: “…What? ”
Coworker: “Pineapple’s a type of apple, and I don’t like apples!”
(I am on the phone:)
Person: “Hi, can I talk to Human Resources?”
Me: “Um, we don’t have a Human Resources department in our store.”
Person: “I’d like to speak with Human Resources.”
Me: “We don’t have Human Resources at this store.”
Person: “Oh, well, someone, I think he said his name is Joe, called me and asked if I could come in for a job interview, but it went to my voicemail so I’m calling back.”
Me: “Oh! Okay! Let me get the manager for you. And by the way, the manager’s name is Phil.”
Person: “Did you say his name is Joseph?”
Me: “No, his name is Phil.”
Person: “I hate this phone. His name is Joe?”
Me: “Phil.”
Person: “Joe?”
Me: “Phil!”
Person: “Is it Bill?”
Me: *giving up* “Yes.”
This story is part of our Joe roundup!
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Coworker: “[My Name], could you turn up the air conditioning? I’m roasting!”
Me: “Have you considered taking off your jacket?”
(My fiancé and I are out to buy a certain brand of cat-food, which has been recommended by both our veterinarian and the breeder, for our five-month-old kitten. We’re entering a small pet store and search around for a bit, but fail to find the section with cat food. The shop owner then approaches us.)
Shop Owner: “Hello! Can I help you find anything?”
Me: “Oh, yes, please. We’re looking for the cat food.”
Shop Owner: “It’s right here.” *gestures behind the counter* “Is it for adults or kittens?”
Me: “It’s for kitten… but I notice you don’t have the brand we want, sorry.”
Shop Owner: “…Are you talking about [Brand]?”
Me: “Uh, yeah? Why?”
Shop Owner: *suddenly changing to a more angry tone* “That brand is terrible! Is bad for your kitten! Filled with chemicals and no nutrition!”
Fiancé: “Er… I think we’ll stick to it anyway… The vet thinks it’s good for him.”
(We’re about to leave at this point when the shop owner speaks up again.)
Shop Owner: “Hold on!” *grabs a bag of cat food for kittens and holds it out for us to take* “Here! Free sample! Your kitten will like this better.”
Me: “Thanks… but no thanks. We’re good.”
Shop Owner: “How can you say no to a free sample?! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CAT?! THIS IS BETTER FOR IT!”
(Yes, she did indeed begin to scream, so we quickly left the store. It didn’t strike us until later that the pet store and the brand of cat-food she tried to give us had the same name, so she was clearly just trying to promote her own brand.)
(I’m the staff member, and the idiot in this story. I am serving a very elderly couple (at least in their 90s) who are both very sweet and understand and appreciate how patient I am with their questions, as technology is not their strong suit. They begin to say their goodbyes.)
Customers: “Thank you very much, young lady; your customer service was brilliant.”
Me: “You’re welcome. Come back anytime with any questions. My name is [My Name] and I’ll always be happy to help.”
Customers: “We definitely will!”
Me: “Okay, guys; enjoy the rest of your days!”
(The look I received made me want to sink into the earth and die! I was so embarrassed! One slip of the tongue and I sounded like Lucifer announcing their deaths! I have yet to see them return.)
