(We recently got a slushy machine, but it’s really cheap and we frequently have problems with it.)

Coworker: “The slushy machine is clogged up.”

Me: “Geez, not again!”

Coworker: “I’m gonna just tell the customer that it’s down and offer him something else.”

Me: “No, wait. I have an idea.”

(I grab a straw and jam it up the nozzle. The slushy starts gushing out.)

Coworker: “Wow, that was amazing.”

Me: “Yeah… please don’t ask me how I knew that would work.”

(My wife has a bad eye infection and after a trip to the doctor, we take her prescription for antibiotic eye-drops to a pharmacy to be filled. They tell us we can pick it up in an hour. A little more than an hour later I go back to pick it up.)

Me: “Hi, I’m picking up a prescription for [Wife].”

Pharmacist: “We don’t seem to have that here. When did you drop it off?”

Me: “About an hour ago.”

Pharmacist: “Oh, here’s the record… This won’t be ready for three days. We don’t have it here.”

Me: “What? She has an infection and needs her medicine now, not three days from now. Why didn’t you tell us it would take so long when we dropped it off so we could go to another pharmacy?”

Pharmacist: “Well, we just got the shipment in today, but we haven’t opened the boxes yet  to take out the medicine.”

Me: “It takes three days to open a box?”

Pharmacist: “Well, I guess if you want to wait 10 or 15 minutes, I can get it for you.”

Me: “…Yes. Do that, please.”

Pharmacist: *sighing* “Fine, I’ll go get it. I hate having to open the boxes.”

Related:
Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 3
Not Thinking Inside The Box, Part 2
Not Thinking Inside The Box

(At our factory we have computers at each machine we use to enter the final measurements of a product we create. Each computer has a specific login so you can access the necessary files needed to input the final data. While you can use another computer’s login to access the necessary files, it’s best if you use the proper login. On this particular day, one computer is having issues with the login credentials. We decide to call up tech support since we can’t figure out a way to get around the login to access the data. The tech support is kind of… bad. It’s pretty terrible, actually, and no one wants to deal with them. After a lot of discussion it is decided that I should make the call. This is the conversation that follows when I call them up and explain the issue we have. The phone is on speaker mode:)

Tech Support: “Thanks for calling tech support. How can I assist you?”

Me: “Hi! We’re having issues with a computer here. It’s saying the credentials cannot be verified. We’ve tried bypassing it but it won’t work, not even with another computer’s login. I think it’s something with the domain it’s connected to. Think you can take a look at that?”

Tech Support: “Absolutely. What is your computer’s name?”

Me: *I rattle off the eight-digit number of the computer to the techie*

Tech Support: “Okay. I have your number and it’s legit. I need you to log in for me.”

(There’s a moment of silence as I am waiting to see if he’s going to process what he just said.)

Me: “Uh, we CAN’T login. That’s the issue…”

Tech Support: “I understand. But I need you to log in so we can fix the issue.”

Me: “No, no. You aren’t listening to me. I CAN’T login because the credentials of this computer cannot be verified on the domain I am trying to log in to.”

Tech Support: “I still need you to log in so we can sort this issue out.”

Coworkers: *roll eyes*

Me: “Dude, listen to me real good now. We can’t log in. Okay? Do you understand? The computer’s credentials are not being verified. It won’t let us pass the login screen.”

Tech Support: “I still need you to log in…”

Short-Tempered Coworker: “What part of ‘We cannot log in’ do you not understand? WE CANNOT LOG IN!”

(There’s a moment of silence before the tech support guy speaks up.)

Tech Support: “Oh, you cannot log in. I will send someone out to fix the issue from your end. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

(I end the call then and there.)

Me: *to short-tempered coworker* “Next time, you call.”

(I’m a librarian in a college library. I come in to work to find the coworker I take over from helping a student over the phone. He can’t get in to one of our electronic databases and she is finding articles for him.)

Coworker: “I’ve put all the articles into a folder. Can I just send the folder to him?”

Me: “Er, I don’t know of any way to do that, but you can email him the permalinks. I’m not sure that will help, though, because he’ll still have to log into [Database] to get them.”

Coworker: *blank* “Why?”

Me: *blank* “Because he has to be logged in to [Database] for them to come up.” *no comprehension dawning* “Because… because the permalink just goes to the page. I mean, he can’t just access it.”

Coworker: “But he’s having trouble getting into [Database].”

Me: *utterly at a loss to explain this really, really obvious concept* “Just get his email address; I’ll save the PDFs and email them to him.”

(She got his email address, but then proceeded to spend close to 15 minutes saving four PDFs HERSELF, all the while half complaining about having to stay so late after I had offered repeatedly to do it myself.)

(My roommate and I are both autistic and have extreme fear of needles. I pass out, but my roommate, unless he has something to hold on to, starts kicking and screaming. One day, he has to go on for surgery and I’m driving him.)

Nurse: “[Roommate].”

Me: “I’ll be there when you wake up. Do you have your stuffy?”

(My roommate shows me a toy, and starts to follow the nurse to the room.)

Nurse: *sees the toy* “What the–? Sir! You are 25! I don’t think you need that!”

Roommate: “But! Ok, fine… Can [Roommate] come with me?”

Nurse: “I don’t have time for this! You can do this! Now come on! We’re losing light!”

(She pries the toy out of his hand and gives it to me. I’m a little nervous, as I know he can be wild when terrified. I start reading my book, and sure enough, I hear a ‘Code White’ which means aggressive patient. After a second, the same nurse comes running out.)

Nurse: “[My Name]! [My Name]!”

(I get up and run inside. My roommate has five nurses pinning him down, and he’s kicking and screaming.)

Nurse: “Control him! He kicked half of us!”

(I go over and start to soothe him. Once he’s calm, I give him his toy and stay by his side while they give him the needle. As they wheel him off, the nurse turns to me.)

Nurse: “What is wrong with that guy? The second he saw the needle he freaked out.”

Me: “He has an extreme fear of needles! It’s in his chart!”

Nurse: “I thought he was just being a wimp!”

(My friend’s surgery went very well and he made a full recovery. However, the nurses we’re quite inattentive and rude to us while we were there. When I had to have surgery on my ovary a month later, we went to another hospital, where they let him in with me for when I passed out.)

This story is part of our Autism roundup!

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