(Our restaurant makes a snack for the bar that is similar to Cracker Jack. We tend to sneak tastes of it when it is being made. I had forgotten myself and was eating a giant handful of it when the chef who made it came around the corner and caught me.)
Chef: “Hey, uh, what are you snacking on there?”
Me: “Oh, I had some Cracker Jack in my pocket.”
Chef: “Funny, it looks just like the bar snack I just made.”
Me: “I know! That’s weird, right?”
(It is 8:50 pm. I am a customer, arriving to do my shopping. I find that the supermarket doors are mostly closed. I see an employee in a kiosk.)
Me: “Are you closed?”
Employee: “No, we close at 10:00.”
Me: “That’s what I thought, but three of the shutters are down.”
Employee: “Yes, we do that so that we don’t get a rush of customers at the last minute.”
Me: “So, people who can be bothered to find the open entrance are allowed in?”
Employee: “You’d be surprised how many people can’t be bothered.”
Me: *trying not to laugh* “Right. Thanks.”
(Three friends and I are at an outdoor adventure park on vacation. The park features the largest man-made white-water rafting attraction in the country, so large that the national team uses it for training at some times during the year. While the park does serve alcohol, there is a strict policy not to over-serve, and there are signs all over the park saying that if it appears that you have consumed alcohol, you WILL NOT be able to white-water raft for the remainder of the day. Prior to each white-water rafting excursion, everyone must sit through a safety and procedures lecture, regardless if you have done so at any other point in the day.)
Worker: “How many of you will be riding?”
Me: “There are four of us”
Worker: “Four? I only count two!”
Me: “Our friends are coming as we speak. They are over in the concession area.”
Worker: “Well, they are not here RIGHT NOW, so they are about to miss the lecture and cannot take this ride. They’ll have to wait for the next one.”
Me: “No, please, they’re running over right now!”
(At this point, I wave and frantically motion to my friends to run to where we are standing. They arrive, but my friend had literally just purchased a beer from the concession stand and was just beginning to drink it.)
Me: “See? Here they are; can we proceed to the lecture now?”
Worker: “Oh, no, no, no!” *motions at the beer* “You’ve been drinking! You cannot white-water raft today!”
(My friend quickly chugs the beer in one swift, almost heroic motion and throws the cup into the wastebasket.)
Worker: “OKAY! YOU GUYS ARE GOOD! PROCEED!”
(I need to buy a new smartphone and I’m set on a particular brand. It becomes apparent early on that the employee is not the brightest bulb but we get through the data package discussion:)
Employee: “Right, all that is left to do is to choose a phone. You certain you want a [Brand]?”
Me: “Absolutely.”
Employee: “Okay, there are three colours you can have: white, blue, or pink.”
Me: “Go for white.”
Employee: *doesn’t even check her computer* “I’m sorry we are sold out of white.”
Me: “Okay, then it’ll have to be blue.”
Employee: “Sold out of that too, I’m afraid.”
Me: “So the only colour you have is pink?”
Employee: “No, that’s sold out as well.”
Me: “So I can’t get my phone here?”
Employee: “No, you can. You just need to choose a colour: white, blue, or pink.”
Me: “But you are sold out…”
Employee: “Yes, that’s correct.”
Me: “How am I supposed to buy if it’s not in stock?”
Employee: “You just choose a colour.”
Me: *getting frustrated* “Well, I clearly can’t as you don’t have anything!”
Employee: “You didn’t say you wanted something that was in stock!”
(This takes place before ordering items over the Internet was popular. I am about to travel abroad and need an outlet adapter to plug in electronic devices and, given that each country has its own wiring system, I’m unsure of what to order. This happens when I am on the phone with a popular electronics store.)
Me: “I’m traveling to Africa and I need to know which outlet adapter I should buy.”
Salesperson: “Which country in Africa?”
Me: “South Africa.”
Salesperson: “Yes, but which country in South Africa?”
Me: “South Africa.”
Salesperson: “What’s the name of the country you’re going to?”
Me: “The name of the country is South Africa.”
