(I run a small team but my boss is so overbearing he tries to make all the decisions, despite not being up to scratch.)

Me: “Just to let you know we had a guy call in sick.”

Boss: “Who is there to cover?”

Me: “Well, that is an issue. [Worker #1] in on holiday, [Worker #2] has just finished his shift and legally cannot work. I have spoken to [Worker #3] but he is being difficult. We do have [Worker #4] but I know that he isn’t ideal…”

Boss: “You tell him to get in here and cover that shift or I will fire him!”

Me: “No disrespect, but you cannot do that. He has every right to refuse working extra hours and it’s not in his contract.”

Boss: *breaks into a rant about my leadership and how I’m not doing my role properly* “It looks like I’m going to have to do this for you.”

Me: “Okay, well, sure. Give him a call.”

(I leave the office, I happen to know that the worker in question is difficult anyway, but I also know that he was planning to be away from home. I give it an hour.)

Me: “So did you get [Worker #3] to come in, then?”

Boss: “No, they have their right to have time off. I let him have it off. I think we should ask [Worker #4] to do it.”

Me: *internal sigh* “Great idea. I have already asked him and he has confirmed that he will do it.”

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(Our restaurant makes a snack for the bar that is similar to Cracker Jack. We tend to sneak tastes of it when it is being made. I had forgotten myself and was eating a giant handful of it when the chef who made it came around the corner and caught me.)

Chef: “Hey, uh, what are you snacking on there?”

Me: “Oh, I had some Cracker Jack in my pocket.”

Chef: “Funny, it looks just like the bar snack I just made.”

Me: “I know! That’s weird, right?”

(It is 8:50 pm. I am a customer, arriving to do my shopping. I find that the supermarket doors are mostly closed. I see an employee in a kiosk.)

Me: “Are you closed?”

Employee: “No, we close at 10:00.”

Me: “That’s what I thought, but three of the shutters are down.”

Employee: “Yes, we do that so that we don’t get a rush of customers at the last minute.”

Me: “So, people who can be bothered to find the open entrance are allowed in?”

Employee: “You’d be surprised how many people can’t be bothered.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Right. Thanks.”

(Three friends and I are at an outdoor adventure park on vacation. The park features the largest man-made white-water rafting attraction in the country, so large that the national team uses it for training at some times during the year. While the park does serve alcohol, there is a strict policy not to over-serve, and there are signs all over the park saying that if it appears that you have consumed alcohol, you WILL NOT be able to white-water raft for the remainder of the day. Prior to each white-water rafting excursion, everyone must sit through a safety and procedures lecture, regardless if you have done so at any other point in the day.)

Worker: “How many of you will be riding?”

Me: “There are four of us”

Worker: “Four? I only count two!”

Me: “Our friends are coming as we speak. They are over in the concession area.”

Worker: “Well, they are not here RIGHT NOW, so they are about to miss the lecture and cannot take this ride. They’ll have to wait for the next one.”

Me: “No, please, they’re running over right now!”

(At this point, I wave and frantically motion to my friends to run to where we are standing. They arrive, but my friend had literally just purchased a beer from the concession stand and was just beginning to drink it.)

Me: “See? Here they are; can we proceed to the lecture now?”

Worker: “Oh, no, no, no!” *motions at the beer* “You’ve been drinking! You cannot white-water raft today!”

(My friend quickly chugs the beer in one swift, almost heroic motion and throws the cup into the wastebasket.)

Worker: “OKAY! YOU GUYS ARE GOOD! PROCEED!”

(I need to buy a new smartphone and I’m set on a particular brand. It becomes apparent early on that the employee is not the brightest bulb but we get through the data package discussion:)

Employee: “Right, all that is left to do is to choose a phone. You certain you want a [Brand]?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Employee: “Okay, there are three colours you can have: white, blue, or pink.”

Me: “Go for white.”

Employee: *doesn’t even check her computer* “I’m sorry we are sold out of white.”

Me: “Okay, then it’ll have to be blue.”

Employee: “Sold out of that too, I’m afraid.”

Me: “So the only colour you have is pink?”

Employee: “No, that’s sold out as well.”

Me: “So I can’t get my phone here?”

Employee: “No, you can. You just need to choose a colour: white, blue, or pink.”

Me: “But you are sold out…”

Employee: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Me: “How am I supposed to buy if it’s not in stock?”

Employee: “You just choose a colour.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “Well, I clearly can’t as you don’t have anything!”

Employee: “You didn’t say you wanted something that was in stock!”