(My friend and I have been out shopping during Christmas time, having a mostly good day, but we are exhausted and slightly annoyed by the treatment got at the last store we went to. We decide to call it quits for the day and head to Well Known Coffee Shop for a well-deserved coffee, but the drive-thru line is enormous. When we finally get to the speaker, this happens:)

Employee: *on the speaker, with a super deep voice* “Ah, hello there. Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you?”

Friend: “Hmmm, not sure yet. Gimme just onnnee second!”

Employee: “Oh, yeah, take your time. I’ve got to check on my spinach puffs anyway; don’t want them to burn.”

Friend: “…Oh?”

Employee: “Yeah, Yzma can be a cranky old crone when she is hungry. You should hear her. ‘Pull the lever, Kronk!’ It’s pretty much all she says.”

(At this point we are cracking up, so much so that my friend rolls up the window and we laugh until we start crying. When we finally regain our composure, my friend rolls the window back down.)

Friend: *trying so hard not to laugh* “Well, I’d like two [Coffees], please.”

Employee: “Coming right up! Go ahead and pull around to the first window.” *then quieter, as if he is turned away from the mic* “Yzma, is this the [Coffee] potion or the llama one again?!”

(We pulled up to the window and promptly burst into laughter. The poor guy looked embarrassed and asked if we knew what he was talking about. We told him we did, and we all had a good laugh. I went online afterward and had to search for an hour to find out how to give him positive feedback, and I made sure to massively compliment him. He made our day a hundred times better. I’ve been back many times since and it’s always been well worth the trip. Thanks for being awesome, Coffee Shop guy!)

(I work at a well-known craft chain. Because of the nature of our merchandise, we get seasonal stuff pretty early so that people who want to do handmade gifts and decorations can get started early. So it’s September, but not only do we have all our Halloween stuff, we have a good portion of our Christmas stuff. And it’s all covered in glitter.)

Manager: *over the headset* “I’m sick of Christmas already and it’s only September.”

Me: “It’s only going to get worse from here. Merry Christmas!”

Manager: “Noooooo!”

Coworker: *singing over the headset* “Feliz navidad! Feliz navidad!”

Me: You’re fired, [Coworker]. You’re feliz navi-dead.

(Our company is entirely Internet based, meaning it doesn’t much matter where any of us live. Many take advantage of this, and move around a lot, often internationally. Each year, as we are a rather small and tight knit staff, we have a winter gift exchange, which I and a coworker run. Due to the distances located between all of us, we start planning insanely early: the official call for participants goes out at the end of July, registration ends on the first of October, and we distribute recipients by October 15th. No matter what we do, I invariably receive at least one variation of the following message around October 18th:)

Coworker: “Hey, so, I totally goofed and missed the deadline for the gift exchange. Is there any way you can fit me in? I’d be really bummed if I couldn’t do it. Thanks!”

(No matter how easy we make the process, how long registration is open, or how much we publicize, it happens every. Freaking. Year.)

(It’s the holiday season and I’m shopping for gifts at one of the huge national upscale mall department stores. My parents are comfortably well-off and don’t have many hobbies or interests, so are extremely difficult to shop for. After a lot of searching, I stumble onto a gadget that I think my dad will find useful. It is low-priced, but it suits the two genuine hobbies/interests Dad has and I think he would really appreciate the gift, so I’m quite pleased with my find. I go to the counter to pay for it.)

Employee: *while ringing up my purchase and taking my money* “Wow, quite a cheap gift. Don’t you think you should get them something better?”

Me: *speechless*

(The guy ruined my shopping experience and nearly made me cry. I wish in retrospect I’d let a manager know the kinds of things their employees say to customers in a very misguided attempt to encourage more spending. I never set foot in that store again. My dad did like the gift and used it often!)

(I have just arrived at work after being dumped by my boyfriend the previous night. I sit down and log on to my computer, but then just stare into space. A middle-aged man walks past my cubicle who I don’t recognize, but that is common since my company is very large. Note: the background of my computer monitor is a collage of John Lennon pictures that I made.)

Random Coworker: *points at my computer screen* “Hey, you like John Lennon?”

Me: *feeling crappy* “Yeah…”

Random Coworker: “Me, too. He’s the best. I have a few books about him.”

Me: “Cool.”

(Normally I would be gushing about John Lennon at this point, but I’m too upset. He walks down the hall and out of sight. I assume he is done. But ten minutes later…)

Random Coworker: *holds out book* “Here it is!”

(I page through the book. It’s a book of rare photographs of John Lennon.)

Me: “Oh, wow!”

Random Coworker: “I have another copy of this book at home. You can have this one, if you don’t already.”

Me: “Really? Thank you so much!”

Random Coworker: “You’re very welcome.”

(Thank you, random coworker! I have yet to see you around again, but you made a terrible day a little more bearable.)