(I’m British, but living in America for a month in an apartment owned by my boyfriend’s work.)

Telemarketer: “Hi, this is [Name] from [Insurance Company]. We have on our records that your car’s warranty is about to expire.”

Me: “Sorry, I’m visiting from England and don’t have a car in this country. Your records must be wrong.”

Telemarketer: “Are you sure? I have it listed that you have a 2011 Volvo.”

Me: “I don’t even drive.”

Telemarketer: “Are you sure you don’t have a car?”

Me: “I don’t know how I could be unsure about whether I own a car or not…”

(The store I work at has a deli that is offering boxed Thanksgiving dinners and party platters made to order. I am alone for the holiday and see if there are smaller, personal-sized meals, and am told there are none.)

Deli Manager: “You know, we’re still doing the employee dinner in the break room. You can make yourself a plate and take it home!”

Me: “I guess that’s true. Thanks anyway!”

(The next day, I come in to work and find the deli manager looking around, a pink paper in her hands. She spots me and approaches.)

Deli Manager: “Hey, uh, sorry, but I just found out we’re not doing the employee dinner this year after all…”

Me: “Aw, that’s a shame… I was really looking forward to—”

Deli Manager: *handing me the paper, which turns out to be an order receipt* “So I took the liberty of ordering you a boxed dinner, on me.”

Me: “Wait. Wait, are you serious?!”

Deli Manager: *smiling* “We’ll have it ready for pick-up the day before Thanksgiving. Happy holidays!”

(According to the receipt, not ONLY did she buy me one of the family-sized boxed dinners, but she also bought me two party platters, a drink, and a bag of chips. She bought me so much food so I would have plenty of leftovers later, since I was low on savings that month!)

(I stop by the library coffee shop on my way to class one morning. I’m happy to see that I am the only customer.)

Me: “Hi, can I get a chai latte, please?”

Employee #1: “Sorry, we’re actually out of that. We only have chai tea bags and hot water, if you’d like that?”

Me: “Oh, okay. What about your smoothies?”

Employee #1: “So sorry, we should get the stock truck in tomorrow.”

Me: “Oh, well, I guess I’ll just take the hot chai tea, then.”

Employee #1: “Would you like whipped cream on that?”

Me: “…No?”

Employee #2: “Hot chocolate, up!”

(I look around for the other customer before remembering that I was the only one in. Employee #1 is staring at me.)

Employee #1: “You just ordered a hot chocolate.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, no. I actually said “hot chai tea,” but I’ll take the hot chocolate anyway.”

(I take the hot chocolate and sit down.)

Employee #2: “Here’s your tea!”

Me: “Oh… thank you?”

(I take the second drink back to my seat and pick up my wallet to pay for it, confused. I can overhear the employees whispering intently about how I did not pay for the tea, even though I HAD originally paid for a tea, and they had not rung me up for a second drink or told me they were making one.)

Me: “Here’s the money for that hot chocolate I ended up with.”

Employee #1: *with the worst death glare I’ve ever seen* “That’s okay.”

(She refused to take my money, and I quickly left while they employees stared at me like I had just robbed the place. I’m still not sure what happened!)

(We have two fairly recent hires who both started as stockers, but were shifted to cashier because of their unreliability and laziness. Both are 18, still in high school, and not easy to work with. They have generally negative attitudes. For instance, Coworker #1 throws change at people when he’s mad. Coworker #2 makes fun of people constantly, but gets totally offended at jokes or sarcasm directed at him. I am on register with both of them on New Year’s Eve, along with a decent-working Coworker #3. It’s so busy the managers want four people on register at all times, so a fifth person is putting their cash drawer in as each cashier goes on break. Coworker #1 takes his break first, and this exchange happens during the last cashier’s break.)

Break Person: “Hey, where’s [Coworker #1]!?”

(It’d been so busy nobody had noticed him put up his ‘closed’ sign, turn off his light, and sneak away. Now there’s only three of us, with me and the break person doing most of the work. Coworker #2’s register isn’t always open, and you often have to yell for customers to come over. Coworker #2 is just sitting behind his register and texting, only ringing up the people who realize he’s open.)

Me: “I don’t know where [Coworker #1] is; I didn’t see him leave.”

(We only get a 15-minute break for a six-hour shift. Coworker #1 had taken his already. The break person calls the manager to figure out where he is, but the manager is running around trying to keep things stocked because it is so busy with people buying last-minute stuff for their New Year’s Eve parties. A solid 20 minutes goes by before Coworker #1 comes back, acting like nothing happened. The break person leaves, fuming. Coworker #1 proceeds to spend the rest of the night with his light off, reading a magazine. He only offers to ring up attractive females, and only begrudgingly rings anyone else who realizes he is open despite the light being off. Other than that, he flips through magazines and plays with his phone.)

Coworker #2: *muttering under his breath about something*

Me: *in a light, joking manner* “What are you complaining about?”

Coworker #2: “WOAH. ATTITUDE.”

Me: *sighs*

(Not 15 minutes later, Coworker #2, despite making no effort to ring up customers, complained to the manager about ‘having no one to ring up’ and demanded to go home, holiday pay or not. The manager said fine and he gleefully left. After that, Coworker #1 put up his closed sign and disappeared twice more before the night was over, all while Coworker #3 and I scrambled to get through the New Year’s Eve crowd. On the plus side, after completing a transaction, a friendly customer threw a $5 bill on my counter and yelled HAPPY NEW YEAR before bolting out the store. I don’t know who you are, but you made a stressful night that much better. Thank you.)

(I am the customer/patron in this story, and I have done something extremely goofy… In my attempt to leave my parking space to go home, I have gone in the wrong direction. In my defense, if I have one, it is New Year’s Day and my brain is slightly clouded with a cold. This takes place when I reach the spot where I think I am going to have to maneuver a tricky turn to go back in the other direction and leave properly. I see three parking lot attendants, two women and one man.)

Me: *yelling out my window* “Excuse me… I think I’ve gone the wrong way.”

Man #1: “You sure did, but we still love you! We won’t tell anyone.”

(I hear a male laugh somewhere behind me, presumably another employee.)

Me: *grinning* “How do I get out of here?”

Man #1: “You can just go between that pole and the cone right there.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Man #1: “Yes. I have faith in you! You gotta be a risk-taker! Just don’t hit those women in the crosswalk.”

Me: *laughing* “Okay.”

(I carefully start driving in the spot he told me to.)

Man #1: “Great! You’re doing it! You got this! You’re the best! We love you! Now just turn again around those cones and you’re good!”

(I start to make my turn and see another male parking lot attendant.)

Me: “Ah! I feel like I’m going to run over a cone making this turn!”

Man #2: *very cheerfully* “It’s okay, we do it all the time!” *he kicks the cone out of my way*

Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

(I complete the turn and start on the proper exit path.)

Man #1: “You did it! You are beautiful! You are the best and don’t let anyone tell you differently!”

Me: *still laughing* “Thank you!”

Man #1: “Happy New Year! We love you!”

Me: “I love you, too!”

(I may have felt like an idiot for most of this event, but it was pretty hilarious and very sweet. Nice addition to the start of my new year!)

This story is part of the New Year’s Day roundup!

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