(I am working in an IT call center that handles computers for doctor’s offices.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well… we need a new computer.”

Me: “Okay. What seems to be problem?”

Caller: “Oh, what the h***. A urine sample got spilled in this one, and we’re afraid to turn it on.”

Me: “That’s new. I’ll put in a request to the field techs, and mark it a bio-hazard.”

Caller: “Thanks! I think I have a bio-hazard sticker I can put on it too.”

Me: “Perfect. Hope your day gets better!”

Coworker: “So I have this option on my phone that converts all my voicemails to texts. I just got a text voicemail from you that said this: “Hello, my phone died right after I brush you regarding the loan my bone. Please call me. Bye.””

(This is what it was supposed to say: Hello, [Coworker]. It’s [My Name]. I’m calling you regarding the Long Life Bulk. Please call me back. Bye.”)

(I have been doing tech setup for a new temporary worker. She is very young and obviously very new to the workforce, and has been very demanding throughout the whole process, insisting on being given things we don’t normally give — such as desktop speakers for listening to music, which would disturb others in the open office. This is the tail end of a very long conversation.)

Temp: “If you won’t give me speakers, then at least give me earbuds so I can listen to music.”

Me: “We don’t have earbuds to give out, and you shouldn’t be listening to music on shift anyway.”

Temp: “I’ve always been able to listen to music before at my other jobs. How come I only have one monitor? I should have two monitors, at least.”

Me: “We don’t have enough monitors to give two to everyone; you can go on a waiting list, but there are several people before you, and nothing you’re doing in this role should require a second monitor.”

Temp: “Ugh! I’ve NEVER had to work in a job where I didn’t get two monitors before!”

Me: *with a wide smile* “Then you’re gaining valuable new work experiences already!”

(There have been major storms in my area that knocked out power for a large portion of the city. We have line workers come in from other states to help get power restored. Our house is at the end of a line, and there are only four houses on our transformer, so we know we we’re low priority. After seven days with no power, we FINALLY see a truck arrive. All the neighbors come out to watch. The lineman gets out of his truck, grabs an extendable pole, pushes one button on the transformer, the lights come on, he gets back in his truck and drives away. My neighbors and I stand there dumbstruck at the simplicity of what was done. Then someone finally asks:)

Neighbor: “Did anyone see what he poked with the big stick?”

(I live in the Philippines, but because I’m Caucasian many people assume I’m a clueless tourist.)

Me: “Hello, po! Can you please take me to the bus station?”

Taxi Driver: “Sure, that’ll cost 150 pesos.”

Me: “Well, let’s go by the meter anyway.”

(The meter is set at 96 pesos, obviously from the previous fare.)

Me: “Excuse me; I think you forgot to reset the meter.”

Taxi Driver: “Oh, yeah, um…” *resets it to 40*

(After we arrive, the meter says 75 pesos. Recently the government has reset starting fares to 30 pesos, so everyone just removes 10 pesos from the end fare.)

Me: “Okay, so minus 10, that comes to 65 pesos. Here you go!”

Taxi Driver: *grumbling for losing 10 pesos* “Hey! You need to pay me 30 extra… for petrol!”

Me: “Haha, you’re hilarious. Bye!” *leaves quickly*