(A coworker and I have a very juvenile sense of humor. Every so often we poke fun of each other or make silly faces. This is one of those occasions.)

Me: *after catching coworker’s attention across the floor, sticks out tongue*

Coworker: *sticks out tongue*

Me: *flips her off*

Coworker: *makes a ‘bring it’ gesture*

Me: *gesture for her to ‘bring it’*

(Our boss walks in just as we’re being silly.)

Boss: *looks at us before turning around walking away* “Nope. Not going to ask.”

(I work at a law office from 8-5 during the weekdays as the receptionist, meaning I greet people and offer them drinks while they wait for their appointments. During the weekends, we have a cleaner come in who has a major attitude problem. I notice that she doesn’t really clean down the coffee machines, which is part of her job, so I leave a message requesting she do so since we have twenty clients coming in on Monday alone, and I need to have all of them ready come 8 o’clock. Monday morning I come in to work to find all the coffee pots have disappeared, and that the grounds have been smeared into the water receptacles. At 8:10, we have our first set of clients come in, and I’m still trying to prepare coffee.)

Me: “Good morning. Please have a seat. I’m afraid we’re out of coffee, but I have some sodas or water if you prefer that.”

Boss: *overhearing me and pulling me to the side* “We’re out of coffee? We just stocked some. What happened?”

Me: “[Cleaner] decided that my note was obviously rude. She hid the coffee pots on the highest shelf in the paper closet, she smeared old coffee grounds inside the water receptacles, and I found a nice, nasty deposit of it on top of the letter I left her on Friday.”

Boss: “Why did you even leave her a note?”

Me: “Because I knew we were going to be busy today. Besides, she never really cleans anyway. I still have a full bag of trash at my desk that I still haven’t emptied.”

Boss: “Right. Go fix the coffee pots; I’ll have [Coworker] take the front desk.”

(Two hours later, in comes our cleaning lady looking furious.)

Cleaning Lady: “Why did you tell [Boss] I was throwing garbage all around the kitchen?”

Me: “I never said that.”

Cleaning Lady: “What did you say?”

Me: “That you hid the coffee pots on me and threw grounds in the water receptacles, even though you knew that we had 20 clients coming in today.”

Cleaning Lady: “I didn’t do that.”

Me: “So, you’re saying that you didn’t come in to clean on Saturday?”

Cleaning Lady: “NO! That must have been my neighbor. She’s been coming to clean for me sometimes.”

Me: “Uh huh… You gave your neighbor a key to a law office without telling [Boss] about this?”

Cleaning Lady: “It’s not like she would steal anything!”

(I reported it to the boss, and it turned out the neighbor HAD been stealing things, such as petty cash and an expensive camera that the boss used to take pictures for claim purposes. We were able to take on a different cleaning person who is far more professional and willingly sets the coffee pots up on Sunday for us when she knows we’ll have a busy Monday.)

(This amusement park has a deal where you can buy a souvenir drink cup and receive free refills for the rest of the year. I’m buying one from a snack stand.)

Cashier: “How can I help you?”

Me: “I’d like a green souvenir cup, please.”

Cashier: “All right.”

(The cashier retrieves a drink cup.)

Cashier: “What would you like in it?”

Me: “Um… iced tea.”

(The cashier fills up the cup and rings it up.)

Cashier: “That’s two thousand, one hundred thirty-nine dollars.”

(I looked at the register screen and paid the appropriate amount– $21.39. It seemed someone had a long day!)

(Our delivery truck is late and we are struggling to find things to put in our hot food case. My assistant manager hands me a box of brownies left over from Passover, which was three weeks ago.)

Me: *opening the box* “These are the ugliest brownies I’ve ever seen. They look like burnt meatloaf slathered in dog s***.”

Assistant Manager: “They’re just BROWNIES, [My Name]!”

Me: “I’d dispute you on that point.”

Assistant Manager: “Whatever. Just put them in the case.”

(As I’m putting them in the case, I look at her over my shoulder.)

Me: “Bet you a million bucks somebody looks at these and asks, ‘What kind of meat is that?'”

Assistant Manager: “Okay, [My Name], now you’re just being ridiculous.”

(A customer approaches.)

Assistant Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, what kind of meat is that?”

(She gave me a death glare. I walked away shrugging and laughing.)

(It is raining hard and cold, and my windshield ices over thickly. I can’t see anything so I pull over and turn on my hazard lights.)

Police: “You can’t stop here.”

Me: “It’s an emergency. I can’t see out.”

Police: *mimicking* ” You can’t see out… You’re blocking traffic.”

Me: “There’s no one else on the road.” *it is early morning*

Police: “License and registration!”

(I give them to him.)

Police: “And insurance!”

(I give that also. He runs them a few times, trying to catch me on something. Luckily, I had just updated everything so there is nothing. After 30 min, he comes back, looking less sure and more disappointed. By now the rain has lessened and my windshield is clear.)

Police: “You have a good record and no convictions so… I’ll let you go. This time!”

(He wrote a warning to me and drove off. I tossed it in my car’s trash bag. I guess he would’ve rather I hit a pole instead of stopping and clearing my windshield.)