(I’m in a long line-up at the concession stand just to buy some plain soda water or juice. My partner has gone to get seats. My movie is starting in a few minutes so I’m a bit worried I’ll be late. Finally I get to the front of the line.)

Me: “Can I get just a plain soda water?”

Server: “Yes, on the machines you just push the button on the top for plain soda.”

(He points to some machines on the side which also have lines at them.)

Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize fountain drinks were self-serve. My movie’s starting so I don’t want to wait in another line. Could you just sell me one of those bottles of water please?”

Server: “That line won’t take long. It’ll be about the same amount of time, so you’re better off with that. What size do you want?”

Me: “I don’t want to miss the beginning of the movie, so I’ll just take the bottled water instead.”

Server: “No, you should use the machine. What size do you want?”

(Long story short, I get to my seat as the lights dim, with no drink.)

Partner: “What happened?”

Me: “I think they must make way more money on the fountain drinks.”

(I’m in the mood for vanilla ice cream, so I stop by a shop.)

Me: “One small cup of vanilla, please.”

Worker: “Sure, will that be vanilla bean, French vanilla, or Madagascar vanilla?”

Me: “Um… Bean?”

Worker: “Sure.”

(He goes to a flavor labeled white chocolate and starts filling it up.)

Me: “Um, I wanted vanilla not white chocolate.”

Worker: “Oh, they’re the same thing.”

(I work third shift as a night watch-lady. The company I work for is notoriously cheap and indifferent to their employees. Every year, the guards have to have their information renewed for some inexplicable reason and must go to headquarters downtown to do so, again, for some inexplicable reason. Being a third shifter, I sleep during the day. Unfortunately, my boss informs me that I have to go in at 9:30 in the morning to get my card renewed and to my dismay, the receptionist I’m dealing with is an infamously aggravating woman hired in through nepotism and whose life goal seems to be tormenting the employees. I get to the place after work. Since I’m very groggy and am a little early, I decide to call her on her posted work cell number since she isn’t there yet.)

Me: “Hello? Is this [Receptionist]? It’s [My Name]. I’m here to renew my card information for [Company].”

Receptionist: “What?”

Me: “Uh, I’m here to renew my information.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, I HEARD that. What are you doing there at 8:30 in the morning?”

Me: “Well, I just got off work; I thought maybe I could get here a little early and get home and go to sleep quicker.”

Receptionist: “Uh, no, I told you to be here at 9:30, no earlier! You can just go on home and then come back then.”

Me: “But I live in [rural area 10 miles away].”

Receptionist: “That’s too bad, but I’m NOT coming in any earlier than 9:30.”

Me: “But—”

Receptionist: “I am NOT spelling it out for you! You’re clearly a big girl; you can handle a half-hour without sleep! Nine. Thirty! Sharp!”

Me: “Fine! D***!”

(I hang up before she can call me out for swearing. I proceed to sit down in the lobby, practically falling asleep against the wall and getting more irritated and grumpy by the second. About twenty minutes later, one of the other managers comes in and notices me slumped in the chair.)

Manager: “Uh… have you been helped?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Are you…?”

Me: “I’m a night guard. I’m here to get my information renewed. I just got off my shift, so I’m exhausted. I just want to get it done, go home, and sleep.”

Manager: “Well, let’s get you on back here and fill this form out.”

(Somewhat bewildered, I follow him, fill out the form in less than a minute, get my picture taken, and then five minutes later I’m done.)

Manager: “Okay, we’re all set. Go on home and get some sleep.”

Me: “Thanks… Uh, I’m really sorry I was kinda rude back there…”

Manager: “Nah, it’s okay. You’re tired; I understand. Have a good day, okay?”

(I do so, now feeling bad about being snippy with him. I just about reach the stairs when I realize I’ve forgotten my purse. I hurry back up to grab it and as I open the door, I hear the manager talking on the phone in the other room.)

Manager: “No, I don’t want to hear it! Listen to me right now… No, I am NOT going to have her fired for being rude! She had every right to be… No, she also had every right to call you when you weren’t here… Okay, listen, [Receptionist], I’m telling you right now; you do NOT call our night workers to come in for five minute meetings in the god-d*** MORNINGS! Of COURSE she was pissed! She’d just gotten off work! Next time just leave the d*** paper on the counter! If I hear one more story about a night person coming in for a pointless meeting with you in the morning, then I’ll have you moved to the stockroom.”

(He slammed the phone down. I slunk in, grabbed my purse, and slunk out. And you know? I never got another call before four in the afternoon from her again.)

(My dad works for a company that manufactures cars. Recently, one of his coworkers was injured and had to leave. Another one recently had a child and is on paternity leave. As a result, my father has to juggle both of their jobs as well as his own. One day he talks to his boss.)

Dad: “I was wondering if I could get a pay raise?”

Boss: “Why do you ask?”

Dad: “You’ve been paying attention to my work recently, right? I have to do [Coworker #1]’s job AND [Coworker #2]’s job, as well as mine. Can I at least get a little extra money for this?”

Boss: “I’ll talk to the higher-ups about it.”

(Fast-forward to the end of the day.)

Boss: “They said you can’t have a raise.”

Dad: “Did they give any reason why? Did you at least vouch for me?”

Boss: “Well, when they asked about your work ethic, I told them that you’re busy sometimes and kind of lazing around at other times.”

Dad: “…Are you kidding me? Did you miss the part where I am juggling three jobs at once?”

Boss: “I told them that. I also told them that you weren’t quite up to par at doing [Coworker #2]’s job. He was a lot better than you.”

Dad: “That’s because I didn’t volunteer for this. Do you really think I’m going to be better at someone else’s job after less than a week after they left?”

Boss: “Well, they said they’re thinking about deducting your salary.”

Dad: “WHAT?!”

Boss: “You don’t have any experience doing [Coworker #2]’s job. You’re not doing it as well, and you need to learn to do it better.”

Dad: “Then get someone else to show me! Ask him if he can work from home! There’s no reason here to deduct my salary!”

Boss: “I’m not going back in there! You want a raise, you talk to them.” *leaves*

(Apparently his boss missed the part where Dad isn’t allowed to talk to the higher-ups because he “doesn’t have the authority.” The salary cut hasn’t taken effect yet, though.)

(I have Celiac Disease, an auto-immune disorder that causes my body to attack my digestive tract whenever I eat gluten. My wife and I walk into a local deli known for its ham. There are two women conversing behind the counter and no other customers.)

Me: “Hey, I have a question. I can’t eat gluten, so I need to know if you clean the tongs and ladles before I order anything.”

Girl #1: “Um… No, why would we?”

Me: “Well, cross-contamination, and you’re kind of supposed to for health and safety reasons.”

(I’m already starting to get nervous, but I’m really hungry right now, so I push forward.)

Me: “Could you just tell me what might have gluten in it?”

Girl #2: “What’s gluten?”

Me: “Uh, it’s anything that has wheat, rye, or barley.”

Girl #1: “Well, that’s everything here.”

Me: *blinking, a little dumbfounded* “What do you mean?” *I clearly see several products that have no sauce, and look like they were only baked or sliced*

Girl #2: “The animals eat wheat, right?”

Girl #1: “So that could be in the meat.”

Me: “It… doesn’t work that way.”

Girl #1: “Well, we can’t be sure.”

(At this point, I was fed up. I turned around and said my thanks for their help and got the heck out of there. I recently learned that the deli closed some time later.)