(It’s about six am. There is a customer in front of me.)

Customer: “Could I get an iced coffee, please?”

Cashier: “Sure! Would you like that warmed up?”

Customer: “…What?”

Cashier: “Would you like it warmed up?”

Customer: “My iced coffee?”

Cashier: “Yeah, it’s just an option we offer. You don’t have to.”

Customer: “Okay. Um. No, thanks, then.”

Cashier: *puts the order into the cash register* “Oh. Oh, my god. I asked if you wanted your iced coffee warmed up, didn’t I? I meant sweetened.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I thought there was something wrong with ME that I didn’t understand what you were asking!”

Cashier: “It’s so early, man.”

(We had been getting a lot of solicitors calling, not to mention a lot of callers that would hang up as soon as we answered. I was getting very irritated about it. The phone rings:)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Bank]. May I please speak to [Husband]?”

Me: “What is it regarding?”

Caller: “Just let me speak to [Husband].”

Me: “He’s busy. Please let me know what it’s about.”

Caller: “I can only speak to [Husband].”

Me: “Sorry, not happening unless you let me know why you’re calling.”

Caller: *sighs heavily* “Fine. It’s about his mortgage.”

Me: “Um, ‘his’ mortgage is also MY mortgage. Both of our names are on the paperwork. Seems to me like you should know that if you’re actually calling from [Bank].”

Caller: “I AM calling from [Bank], and I need to talk to [Husband] NOW!”

Me: “If it’s really about the mortgage, you can talk to me.”

Caller: “No! I can only talk to [Husband]!”

Me: “Or you can say hello to Mr. Dial Tone.” *hangs up*

(I stop at a gas station/convenience store on my lunch break to buy a kind of pre-packaged smoothie that you blend yourself. It’s a Thursday so I just got paid; I’ve had trouble in the past with my bank randomly putting holds on my paychecks, so with things like these smoothies, I always pay before preparing just in case it won’t go through.)

Me: “Hi. Just this, please.”

Employee: *picks up smoothie and looks at it* “This isn’t blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: *sets it down in front of me without ringing it in* “It’s not blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: “You have to blend it.”

Me: “…I know. I’ll blend it after I pay.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “So… can I buy this?”

Employee: “It’s not blended.”

Me: “Okay. I…” *I point to myself* “will blend…” *I swirl my hands around each other* “this smoothie…” *I point to the smoothie* “AFTER I pay.” *I wave my card toward the reader* “Okay?”

Employee: *skeptically* “Okay, but it’s not blended.”

(I have to take a few deep breaths before I can respond.)

Me: “I think I can handle the consequences of that, thanks.”

(He finally rings it through and I pay, then go blend my smoothie. As I walk out, I hear the employee shout with great revelation:)

Employee: “Oh! Well, you should’ve said you’d blend it once you’d paid.”

(It took all my self-control to not throw myself or the employee into traffic.)

(A cashier at a video game store has been giving me a hard time for being a girl trying to buy several games, including using the phrase “get back in the kitchen.” My little brother, only five but incredibly smart, has been watching all this for over five minutes. He then interrupts me.)

Brother: *smiles innocently* “Hey mister, can I tell you something?”

Cashier: “Sure thing, kid.”

Brother: “You need to shut the f*** up and stop being a miso-ji-stic (misogynistic) a**butt who tells the local Mario Kart champion to go back in the kitchen, whatever that means! Check out the games before she blue-shells your a** to Chicago and back!”

Cashier: *turns red and shuts up*

(Speechless, the cashier checks out the games in record time while refusing to make eye contact with me. The cashier was gone a week later.)

(On this day, my coworkers and I are meeting with another similar company in our city. We arrive separately. My boss had given me directions on where to park but I am unsure if I’m in the correct place so I call my coworker who had ridden with our boss.)

Me: “Hey. I just want to make sure I’m in the right place. Am I supposed to be in the triangle-shaped parking lot?”

Coworker: “[Boss] says it’s at the corner of [Street] and [Street].”

Me: “Okay, I understand that. But is it the triangle-shaped lot?”

Coworker: “Where are you?”

Me: “I’m near the [Restaurant]. Should I be in the triangle-shaped parking lot?”

Coworker: “We’ll be there in a minute.”

Me: “Okay. Thanks.”

(Yes, I needed to go to the triangle-shaped parking lot.)