(My manager is well-known for being passive-aggressive and for giving people he isn’t pleased with unpleasant assignments in place of actually talking to them about the issue. I’m well-known around the office for being devoutly religious in a very conservative sect.)

Coworker #1: “You must’ve ticked [Manager] off.”

Me: “Oh? Why?”

Coworker #1: “He’s assigned you to work with [Coworker #2] on book layouts. [Coworker #2] is hideously anal on those layouts. Not to mention, well, you know…”

Me: “Gay. Yes, I’d noticed.”

Coworker #1: *laughs* “Yeah. Good luck.”

(Fast forward six weeks: Coworker #2 and I are hitting it off and banging out the layouts in record time. Cue my manager glaring at me.)

Manager: “You seem to be doing well.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, we are. It’s wonderful to finally work with someone who appreciates the amount of effort that goes into making these books look right. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who can take instruction and criticism without getting his panties in a wad?”

Manager: “And there hasn’t been any problems, with, uh… his religious beliefs?”

Coworker #2: *raises eyebrow* “Should there be?”

Manager: “Uh, no…” *wanders off*

Me: “Think we should explain to him that my brother’s gay?”

Coworker #2: “Nah, let the jerk stew.”

(My fiancé and I are getting married Wednesday, Sept 30. I have had this conversation with most vendors. My fiancé also works Thursday-Monday so Wednesday is our weekend.)

Vendor: “When is the wedding?”

Me: “September 30.”

Vendor: “Oh, do you mean September 20?”

Me: “No, September 30.”

Vendor: “That’s a Wednesday?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Vendor: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. Wednesday, September 30.”

Vendor: “But, that’s the middle of the week.”

Me: “Yes, we know.”

Vendor: “People don’t normally get married during the week…”

(The amount of people who lost our business because they can’t seem to accept that we are getting married mid-week…)

(I am in line to purchase a slice of cheesecake at the shop. Their case has about 30 different flavors of cheesecake to choose from. I decide on a yummy chocolate raspberry cheesecake and step up to the register.)

Me: “Hi… I would like a choco—”

Clerk: *looking annoyed and loudly drowning out the rest of my sentence* “Chocolate marshmallow, dark chocolate, chocolate raspberry, chocolate coconut, or German chocolate?”

Me: “You’d already know the answer if you’d bothered to let me finish my sentence.”

(I get to the order board at 10:20am. I am trying to order breakfast, when the manager runs out and flips the board over to the regular menu right as I pull up.)

Me: “Uh, I wanted to order breakfast…”

Manager: “Sorry, breakfast is over at 10:30.”

Me: “It’s 10:20.”

Manager: “Your watch is wrong.”

Me: “My wristwatch is atomic; the satellite radio on my dash and my cell phone are all likewise synchronized through their services and they’re all within 1/200th of a second.”

Manager: “My watch is what counts here.”

Me: “Let me guess; everyone is always late to work, too…” *drives off*

(The general manager walks into our office.)

General Manager: “Hey, how’s it going? I just got this letter from [“Important” Person]. I’m going to scan it to my computer and send it to you so you can print it out and bring it to me.”

Me: “Uhm, but, I’m sorry, why?”

General Manager: “I’ll need a copy for my own records.”

Me: “Isn’t the copy in your hands?”

General Manager: “[My Name], haha, you’re right! I’ll email it to you right away.”

Me: “Still not logical!”