No Business Being In Business

| Working | July 16, 2012

Me: “Hi, how much are these sunglasses in the case here?”

Shopkeeper: “I’m going out of business tomorrow, so everything is 40% off.”

Me: “Oh. I don’t see a price on these sunglasses. How much are they?”

Shopkeeper: *ignores me* “That hat would look great on you.”

Me: “This tweed newsboy cap? Yeah, it’s pretty cute. I’m also interested in these sunglasses in the case. May I try them on?”

Shopkeeper: “You want sunglasses? Well, let’s see if we can find something that will look good on you!”

Me: “Actually, I already know what I want. These sunglasses…right here.”

(The shopkeeper ignores me again, and hands me a particularly ugly pair of sunglasses.)

Shopkeeper: “You have red hair, so you would look good in these.”

(I oblige and try the ugly sunglasses on.)

Me: “Well, these are okay, but I think I’d prefer the ones in the case. Are they not for sale?”

Shopkeeper: *offended* “Don’t you like those?!”

Me: “Well, they’re nice, but not really my style. Are you selling any of the pairs in this case?”

Shopkeeper: “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE SO CHILDISH! I’ve been trying to find something for you, and you keep being so rude!” *mimics me in a childish voice*Noo… I don’t like those!”

(I left without buying anything. No wonder she was going out of business!)

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Not Ever Working, Part 2

| Working | July 16, 2012

(I work the graveyard shift stocking shelves at a major east coast supermarket chain. Recently, there’s been a push by upper management for us to raise our “numbers” for productivity. I overhear this conversation between the night shift manager and assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “So, I was thinking, when we have to block the aisles, could you follow behind me and do all of the upper and lower shelves for me while I do the one in the middle?”

Manager: “What?”

Assistant Manager: “Well, they want us to get our numbers up, so I figure the aisles will go faster if I do the stuff at arm level and just go down the aisle.”

Manager: “So, you want me to do all of the work that requires actual effort so you can do only the easiest work and get better numbers than me?”

Assistant Manager: “Yes! Exactly!”


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Never-saw-rus Rex

| Working | July 15, 2012

(I am working in the greeting card section. The manager is explaining to me where all the different types of cards should go.)

Manager: “…and for the children’s birthday cards, the ones with drawings or cartoons should be here, and the ones with photographs should be on the bottom shelf.”

(I notice a card on the bottom shelf with a picture of a Tyrannosaurus painted in a realistic style, and pick it up.)

Me: “Oh, then this one must be in the wrong place.”

Manager: “Why? Isn’t that a photograph?”

Me: “Well, it does look realistic, but it’s a dinosaur. There are no photographs of them.”

Manager: “Why not?”

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Austen-sibly A Commoner

| Working | July 14, 2012

(I go to my local chain bookstore. There’s a very bored, ditzy looking teenaged employee behind the counter.)

Me: “Hey, I’m looking for a copy of Pride and Prejudice.”

Employee: *sighs and rolls her eyes* “Um, this is a BOOKSHOP. We don’t sell DVDs!”

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At Least He’s Never Late To A Party

| Working | July 13, 2012

(At our call center, our boss is often late, and also has a habit of calling his own phone instead of directly calling whoever he’s trying to reach. It’s a very busy day and our boss finally comes in, albeit two hours late.)

Boss: “Why didn’t any of you take the time to pick up my phone?”

Me: “Because the phones were red hot.”

Boss: “That is no excuse for you to not pick up that phone! When I call, I expect someone to pick it up. I was late, and I needed someone to verify that I was coming in!”

Me: “May I ask why you did not call the floor manager for that? They can make a note and make sure the others have a heads up in time.”

Boss: “Because I am hungover from the party! I was up until 6 in the morning, and didn’t feel like talking to those idiots! You better pick up next time. Otherwise, you can look for a different job!”

(20 minutes later, one of the managers comes in and grills my boss.)

Manager: *to my Boss* “Where were you? Why were you late?”

Boss: “I was still in bed and overslept. Why do you care?!”

Manager: “The head of our company came in this morning and wanted to talk to you about your recent amounts of being late. He isn’t happy at all.”

Boss: “Oh, crap.”

(Never saw him again after that.)

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