Chicken (Not So) Little

| Working | August 17, 2012

(Employee #1 has just returned from the bathroom.)

Employee #1: “I swear to God, my bladder is the size of a chicken.”

Employee #2: “…A chicken?”

Employee #1: “I couldn’t think of anything else small!”

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Giving Customer Service A Bad Name

| Working | August 17, 2012

(I overhear my coworker speaking to a customer.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m Ms. Cheng. I’m looking for an Alex?”

Coworker: “Oh, yes. That’s me. Please sit down, Mrs. Cheng.”

Customer: “Oh it’s just Miss. I’m not married.”

Coworker: “You aren’t Chinese, but your surname is.”

(Note: the customer indeed doesn’t appear to be Chinese, but looks white.)

Customer: “I get that a lot. One of my great grandfathers is, so I’m actually part Chinese. Guess I’m too far down the tree to look like it.”

Coworker: “Well, good thing you’re a girl. Your children won’t have a misleading surname.”

Customer: “…Excuse me?”

Coworker: “I hope you don’t have a brother to carry on that misleading surname.”

Customer: “Uh, can I get someone else to do my travel?”

(Luckily, the manager overheard all this and called the employee to the back for a talk, and had someone else take over!)

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I Kissed A Girl And I (Don’t Care If You) Liked It

, , , | Working | August 16, 2012

(I’ve been working at this store for three years. All the staff knows I’m gay and has met my girlfriend several times when she’s come to pick me up after work. The new coworker has been around for a week but is completely clueless in many many ways. He walks up to me while I’m restocking candy.)

New Coworker: *in his best suave jock voice* “So, I saw on the schedule that you and I both get off work at the same time today. How about we grab a movie and hang out at my place tonight?”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Oh, yeah, I’m sure my girlfriend would just love that.”

New Coworker: “Ha! Good one! But no really, we should totally go to my place and make out. It’ll be hot.”

Me: “Ha! Good one!”

(I still think he’s joking, but hold up my wrist wearing my rainbow-colored “I don’t even think straight” wristband just in case.)

Me: “But no, really, my girlfriend would turn you inside out. She teaches at the [martial arts gym] down the street.”

New Coworker: “Holy s***! You’re gay?! Since when?”

(This whole time, my manager has been at the register two feet away. He’s trying not to laugh.)

Manager: “She’s been gay since forever, dude. Didn’t you see when her girlfriend came to pick her up yesterday and kissed her hello?”

New Coworker: “Yeah, but I thought they were just making out to look hot for all the guys! Girls do that all the time!”

Me: “Please tell me you’re not serious.”

New Coworker: “Duh! Everyone knows that. It’s only gay if it’s two guys. Girls are supposed to kiss when there are guys around, because it’s hot and girls HAVE to act hot for guys!”

Me: *utterly shocked*

Manager: “Wow… that’s just a little misogynistic. I think you need to get back to work and not bring the topic up ever again, or you’re fired.”

(Not surprisingly, my new coworker gets fired AND arrested a few days later for propositioning on one of our regulars. Our regular is not only very pretty, but is also only 15 and her father is a cop!)

This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

Read the next Women’s Equality Day story!

Read the Women’s Equality Day roundup!

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Not Getting Paid To Pay Attention, Part 2

, | Working | August 16, 2012

Me: “I would like a quarter pounder, please.”

Employee: “Do you want fries with that?”

Me: “No thanks, just the burger.”

Employee: “And do you want any fries with that?”

Me: “Erm, no. Just the burger, please.”

Employee: “Can I get you a drink today to go with your burger and fries?”

Me: “No. No fries, no drink. Just the burger!”

Employee: “Well, all you had to do was tell me. It’s not worth getting worked up about!”


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There’s No Smoke Without Hires

| Working | August 16, 2012

(Our store is doing re-branding because our new logo is being rolled out. So, a group of supervisors has been asked to come in to help clean everything and make it look perfect. Note that my manager is not the nicest of people, and has cigarette breaks every half hour.)

Manager: *to me* “Oi, you! I need you to show [coworker] how to deep clean under the registers.”

Me: “Sure, do you want us to start at the far end and work our way up to the smoke counter?”

Manager: “No. I told you to deep clean the registers with [coworker].”

Coworker: “We are going to do that, but what end do you want us to start at?”

Manager: “I told you I don’t want you starting at an end. I just want both of you to clean the d*** registers while I go out for a d*** cigarette!”

Me: “Okay, then. If you just tell me where the vacuum and cleaning supplies are, we will get started straight away.”

Manager: “There is no vacuum and no cleaning supplies. Just go do your d*** job!”

(My coworker and I look at each other in disbelief.)

Me: “You mean to tell us that you called us in here overnight, to do a job that isn’t our actual job, and you aren’t supplying us with what we need to do what you want us to do?”

Manager: “Yes! Just do what I told you to do before I suspend you both!”

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