Never-saw-rus Rex

| Working | July 15, 2012

(I am working in the greeting card section. The manager is explaining to me where all the different types of cards should go.)

Manager: “…and for the children’s birthday cards, the ones with drawings or cartoons should be here, and the ones with photographs should be on the bottom shelf.”

(I notice a card on the bottom shelf with a picture of a Tyrannosaurus painted in a realistic style, and pick it up.)

Me: “Oh, then this one must be in the wrong place.”

Manager: “Why? Isn’t that a photograph?”

Me: “Well, it does look realistic, but it’s a dinosaur. There are no photographs of them.”

Manager: “Why not?”

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Austen-sibly A Commoner

| Working | July 14, 2012

(I go to my local chain bookstore. There’s a very bored, ditzy looking teenaged employee behind the counter.)

Me: “Hey, I’m looking for a copy of Pride and Prejudice.”

Employee: *sighs and rolls her eyes* “Um, this is a BOOKSHOP. We don’t sell DVDs!”

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At Least He’s Never Late To A Party

| Working | July 13, 2012

(At our call center, our boss is often late, and also has a habit of calling his own phone instead of directly calling whoever he’s trying to reach. It’s a very busy day and our boss finally comes in, albeit two hours late.)

Boss: “Why didn’t any of you take the time to pick up my phone?”

Me: “Because the phones were red hot.”

Boss: “That is no excuse for you to not pick up that phone! When I call, I expect someone to pick it up. I was late, and I needed someone to verify that I was coming in!”

Me: “May I ask why you did not call the floor manager for that? They can make a note and make sure the others have a heads up in time.”

Boss: “Because I am hungover from the party! I was up until 6 in the morning, and didn’t feel like talking to those idiots! You better pick up next time. Otherwise, you can look for a different job!”

(20 minutes later, one of the managers comes in and grills my boss.)

Manager: *to my Boss* “Where were you? Why were you late?”

Boss: “I was still in bed and overslept. Why do you care?!”

Manager: “The head of our company came in this morning and wanted to talk to you about your recent amounts of being late. He isn’t happy at all.”

Boss: “Oh, crap.”

(Never saw him again after that.)

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So Much Ado About Nothing

| Working | July 13, 2012

(I work weekends at a local gym. We have a maintenance worker that is notoriously lazy. On this particular day, his boss, the director of maintenance, has instructed him to rinse off the pool deck with a hose. His boss has said he’ll check the surveillance tapes the next day to make sure he’s done his job. It should also be noted that the cameras are very grainy and cheap.)

Me: “You remembered to do the deck, right?”

Worker: “Haha, check this out, man: I went back there, unrolled the hose, hooked it up to the tap, and then just walked around the pool waving the hose around for 15 minutes. Then, I unhooked the hose, rolled it up, and put it back. All just so the camera could see. Haha!”

Me: “You know, had you just turned the tap on, you would have actually done it. And it wouldn’t have taken you any extra time.”

Worker: “Well…yeah…but…”

(Not surprisingly, he got fired about a week later.)

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Free Attitude With Purchase

| Working | July 13, 2012

(It’s very early in the morning, and I am in the process of getting my apartment packed up when I run out of boxes. I run to a 24-hour store and pick up four boxes and two candy bars, one of which I eat before I get to the checkout. I show the empty candy bar wrapper to the cashier so I can pay for it.)

Cashier: *dirty look* “Well, did you enjoy it?”

Me: “Actually, I think I like the original flavor better.”

Cashier: *angrily* “So, you already tried it, but you’re buying it anyways?!”

Me: “Oh, the other one is actually for my roommate. She loves them!”

Cashier: “Well, I don’t know why you’d buy it if you already tried it.”

Me: “Um, sorry?”

Cashier: *sticks her tongue out in a ‘gag’ gesture* “EEEEEYYYEEECCCHHH!”

Me: “Okay?”

Cashier: “And why are you buying boxes? You can just ask your friends for boxes!”

Me: “Well, I’m moving at 6 am, and I don’t think any of my friends are up right now.”

Cashier: “There’s no reason to buy boxes. That’s just stupid!”

Me: *speechless*

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