Light (Up) The Way

| Working | April 25, 2012

Me: “Hi, I have this coupon for clams but I’m not finding any.”

Employee: “Oh, yo… nah, we’re all out. You like mahi mahi, though? THAT’S SOME GOOD S***!”

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Like Watching A Sub Opera

, | Working | April 25, 2012

(I walk into a sandwich shop and order two subs. When I make it to the cash register, I see two cashiers and hand one of them a coupon: two meals for $10.00. The cashiers aren’t sure how to use the coupon, so they begin arguing. After arguing for ten straight minutes, my friend — who has been waiting outside — pokes his head in the door to see if I am almost done. Hearing this, one of the cashiers cuts in.)

Cashier #1: “Is that your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, he’s—”

Cashier #2: “What a boyfriend! Sends a girl in to get him his food, and with a coupon!”

Me: “He’s really not my boy—”

Cashier #1: “I bet he told you to go get him a sandwich, didn’t he?”

Me: “He’s not my—”

Cashier #2: “Here, this cookie is for you. Break up with that jerk!”

Me: “But we’re not—”

Cashier #1: “I better not see you sharing this cookie with him. It’s for you!”

Me: “Okay, I won’t. I’ll just break up with him, then.”

Both Cashiers: “You do that!”

(I went outside and explained to my friend that I was “breaking up” with him because the sub shop cashiers told me to. All the while, the cashiers were inside applauding over my “break up.”)

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A Bit Sweet Behind The Ears

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I’m nursing a sore throat, so I bring some honey in to work with me one day.)

Coworker: “Are you gonna put that honey in something to drink?”

Me: *joking* “No, I put it in my ear.”

Coworker: “What? Why?”

(I think he’s just playing dumb, so I play along.)

Me: “Because it helps sore throats.”

Coworker: “No way…how?”

(At this point, a call interrupts us. I’m pretty sure that either he’ll understand it was a joke or someone will set him straight. But then, a few hours later…)

Coworker: “Seriously, do you use a Q-tip to get it in there, or what?”

Me: “No, I just use one to get out the excess honey.”

Coworker: “But seriously, how does that work?”

Me: “You just pour it in and it soothes everything.”

Coworker: “Wow!”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably*

Coworker: *feeling dumb* “Oh.”

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A Brain Is A Power-ful Thing To Waste

| Working | April 25, 2012

(I work in the help center at our company, and receive the following call from an employee.)

Me: “Help desk, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Employee: “My monitor is blank.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Are your computer and monitor turned on?”

Employee: “I think?”

Me: “Okay, hold on one sec…”

(I verify that their computer is in fact turned on.)

Me: “Okay, your screen saver has probably activated. Can you try moving your mouse or pressing some buttons on your keyboard for me?”

Employee: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, I need you to do something for me. Look at the lower right hand corner of your monitor. See that gray button there?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s the power button. Go ahead and press that for me.”

Employee: “Yeah, I see my desktop now. I didn’t realize I had to press that button!”

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Lack Of Service For Those In The Service

| Working | November 11, 2009

(Editor’s Note: To commemorate Veteran’s Day, we’re resurfacing this story. It was originally posted on Feb 29, 2016.)

(I was home for leave from the military when this happened. I was picking up a 6-pack from the grocery store through the self check-out lane when the “Please wait for an attendant” window pops up. I wait for about five minutes and this teenage employee approaches me.)

Employee: Sir, I need to see your ID.”

Me: “All right.”

(I hand her my military ID, since I always keep my license in my car. She looks at it confused; this is pretty common so I help her out.)

Me: “The birth date is on the back.”

Employee: “Uh, what the h*** is this?”

Me: “It’s a military ID.”

Employee: “I’m sorry; we don’t accept these.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “We don’t accept military IDs. Do you have a driver’s license?”

(She clearly has no idea what she’s talking about, since I’ve bought alcohol from this grocery store many times with my military ID.)

Me: “Ma’am, my license is in my car; I’ve used this ID here before with no problems.”

Employee: *raising her voice* “I’m not going to repeat myself. No license, no beer.”

Me: “Look, is there a manager I can speak to? I’m sure we can work this out.”

Employee: “Sir, you cannot come in here and make up rules, then expect the manager to come help you. My manager told me…” *speaking really slowly like I’m some idiot* “NO… MILITARY… IDs!”

Me: “Ma’am, I find that very hard to believe. Please go get your manager.”

Customer: *throws her hands up in the air* “Fine! But he won’t help you, sir!”

(She walks behind the customer service desk and points me out to a manager. He walks over to me with a confused look on his face.)

Manager: “Is everything all right, sir?”

Me: “Yes, your employee told me you don’t accept military IDs?”

Manager: “What? Of course we do. Let me see.”

(He takes my ID and looks at it.)

Manager: “Looks fine to me.”

(He enters the birth date on his computer and authorizes the transaction.)

Manager: “Is this what she was so upset about?”

Me: “I believe so.”

Manager: “Sir, please wait right there; I have something for you.”

(He walks away and returns with the previous employee.)

Manager: “I believe she has something she would like to say to you.”

Employee: *sheepishly* “I’m sorry.”

Manager: *angry* “I’m sorry… what?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Manager: “If I EVER find out you disrespected a service member in this store again, you will not only be fired, but you will no longer be welcome in this store, period. Now get back to work.”

(She quickly walks away. The manager hands me my six-pack.)

Manager: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, and thank you for your service. Have a nice day.”

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