The Fairy Log-mother

| Working | June 22, 2012

(I work in a small distributor as their invoice secretary. One of the things I do is make and check logins for their online store. Since I work later hours I usually do not handle customer issues. A coworker handles those calls with sales, who has a heart of gold but not a full grasp on computers.)

Coworker: “[My name], can you refresh the login on this customer? They say they can’t login.”

Me: “Just to let you know, logins don’t expire so they don’t need ‘refreshing.’ The customer may be typing their password in wrong. Or, maybe myself or the boss typed it in wrong by accident.”

Coworker: *with sass* “Well, ‘I’ typed it in three times already and I couldn’t get in either.”

(She hands me the paper with the written login and password. I do not check the system but simply type it into the website in without a hitch.)

Me: “Tell them to slow down when typing. They’re rushing their password.”

Coworker: “What do you mean!? I couldn’t get in either!”

Me: “The password seems simple. However, it’s a word that’s mostly on one hand, so it can be tricky.”

Coworker: “No! You did something to make it work.”

Me: “I just typed it onto the website in one try and took my time.”

Coworker: “But I typed it in three times and couldn’t get in! I wasn’t typing it wrong! How dare you accuse me of being too stupid to type in a password!”

(I realize I’m not getting through, so I try another approach.)

Me: “Alright, honey…there is this little fairy that lives in every keyboard and it snatches up your fingers and moves them to opposing keys when you type passwords. Common errors when typing in passwords is that little fairy.”

Coworker: *blushes in embarrassment and turns back to her work*

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Not Even Half A Brain

| Working | June 21, 2012

Boss: “There are four months in a quarter, right?”

Me: “No, three. There’s four quarters in a year.”

Boss: “It depends on your definition of ‘quarter.'”

Me: “No, there’s four quarters in anything. One quarter is always one fourth.”

Boss: “Well, it depends on your definition of ‘quarter!'”

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Education Standards Are Going Down

| Working | June 21, 2012

(My coworker has just asked me to find out the status of a shipment. We’re both in our early 20s.)

Me: “The shipment is in Portland.”

Coworker: “You mean like Portland, Seattle?”

Me: “No, Portland, Oregon. Seattle is in Washington.”

Coworker: “So, it goes Washington, Oregon?”

Me: “Oregon is south of Washington, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Coworker: “South…” *pauses to think* “…you mean down?”

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Her B.S. Is B.S.

| Working | June 21, 2012

(There’s a power blackout while I am being checked out of a convenience store. My purchase is $27.15 and I have just handed the young lady at the till $40.00.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the power is off and I can’t make change.”

Me: “I gave you $40, so you owe me $12.85.”

Cashier: “As if!”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Cashier: “How do you know?”

Me: “I did it in my head.”

Cashier: “Yeah, right!”

(At this point, the manager comes up and asks what the problem is.)

Cashier: “The bill is $27.15 and he gave me $40.00, but the power is out and I can’t figure the change. He tells me that it’s $12.85.”

Manager: “It is.”

Cashier: “How do you know?!”

Manager: “I did it in my head.”

Cashier: “As if!”

Manager: “Go stock the shelves…”

(The manager turns to me and shrugs apologetically.)

Manager: “She’s starting university this term in Engineering. Any bets on how long that lasts?”

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The Other, Other Red Meat

| Working | June 20, 2012

(While working in the store’s meat department cutting links of sausage, I cut my finger very badly. Due to the nature of the cut, I did not feel it at first. By the time I noticed, it I had bled into the sausage. This exchange takes place after I return from bandaging my hand.)

Me: “Is there a special way to dispose of this sausage? Or should I just toss it in the bin?”

Boss: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, I bled all over this meat. It’s sort of a bio-hazard.”

Boss: “No, just put it in the service case. No one will be able to tell. They have to cook it anyway!”

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