Soft Drinks Can Bubble Up Hard Feelings

| Working | June 24, 2012

(My friends and I have come down from Canada to do some surfing in Oregon. We have stopped by a deli for some lunch.)

Employee: “Anything else for you today?”

Me: “Yeah, do you have any pop?”

Employee: “It’s soda!”

Me: “Yeah, do you have it?”

Employee: “No, we don’t carry soda. Just water, juice, and tea.”

Me: “What? No pop? Seriously?”

Employee: “SODA!”

Me: “Wow, Americans are pretty serious about their terminology!”

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, she’s a New Yorker.”

Me: “Oh. What is it normally called in Oregon?”

Manager: “Pop.”

Employee: “IT’S SODA!”

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Chemically Imbalanced

, | Working | June 23, 2012

(I have just started work with a new company to get some experience during my senior year of college. This happens during my first week.)

Boss: “Okay, I need you to take all these chemicals out of this barrel and put them in the cabinet here.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So why are they all thrown into this barrel? Just using it to move them around?”

Boss: “No, actually, the EPA tried to confiscate all of them, but I stole them back!”

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The Wild Wild East

| Working | June 23, 2012

(I have just come back from a vacation to the Grand Canyon. I got turquoise jewelry from a roadside stand while there. My boss sees me pass.)

Boss: “I love your necklace!”

Me: “Thanks! I got it in Arizona from a Navajo stand.”

Boss: “It’s really unique.”

(I notice my boss is wearing a turquoise necklace herself.)

Me: “It looks something like yours.”

Boss: “Yes! Well, you know, ever since I’ve moved out west…” *lowers her voice* “…I’ve started dressing Bohemian.”

(Note: she wears hot pink, royal blue, teal and leopard print on EVERYTHING.)

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Boss: “You know, Bohemian…cowboy and sexy!”

Me: “I…never thought of it that way.”

Boss: “Because you know, it’s Western. It’s where that all started!”

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That’s One Sneaky Snake

| Working | June 22, 2012

(A friend of mine is visiting from the UK, so I take him on a road tour of the American West. While in South Dakota, we decided to visit the reptile zoo, as he is very interested in snakes and lizards. I am not very comfortable around snakes, and doing my best to put on a brave face. We’re “in the dome,” the central part of the snake building, where visitors can walk through a habitat for non-dangerous snakes. I walk up to an interpretive guide near a boa constrictor sign.)

Me: “How’s it going today?”

Guide: “Good.”

Me: *looking around* “Soooo, where’s the boa?”

(The guide says nothing, but she smiles and points over my shoulder. I look up and see the snake hanging off a branch only three inches from my ear.)

Me: “AAAHHH!!!”

Guide: *snickers*

Me: “You love to do that, don’t you?”

Guide: *nods*

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Pot Calling The Kettle Sick

| Working | June 22, 2012

(I have an immunological problem, so I get sicker more frequently, more seriously, and for longer than most people. One winter, it seems that everybody has some kind of cold. I kept catching whatever is going around and missing work, which creates scheduling problems. I go to my boss to talk about taking me off short-term projects and putting me onto longer-term projects until the end of the virus season.)

Boss: “Well, if you’d just tell me in advance when you’re going to get sick, this would be easier.”

(Note: the boss’s toddler is also catching every bug going around at his daycare.)

Me: “I’ll tell you in advance when I’m going to get sick if you could tell me in advance when your toddler is going to get sick.”

Boss: “Touché.”

(She was very understanding after that!)

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