Not Seeing Eye To Eye

| Working | July 4, 2012

(I am a customer at a bank. I am accompanying a friend who happens to be blind. He does not wear dark glasses, so his blindness is apparent to anyone who can see his face. After making a deposit, my friend asks for his balance, and the teller requests his driver’s license as proof of identity. My friend hands her his state-issued ID card.)

Teller: “I am sorry, sir. This ID is not acceptable. I need to see your driver’s license.”

My Friend: “I do not have a driver’s license. This is my state ID.”

Teller: “I have to see your driver’s license to verify your identity before I can tell you the balance on this account.”

My Friend: “Miss, I do not have a driver’s license. I cannot drive. This card is equivalent to a driver’s license for identification purposes.”

Teller: “Everybody over 16 can drive, sir. If you do not have your driver’s license, I cannot give you the balance.”

My Friend: “Look at me, miss. I am blind. Do you REALLY think I should be able to drive?”

Teller: “Why not?!”

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And On The Seventh Day, He Rescheduled

| Working | July 4, 2012

(I work at a popular chain restaurant as a chef. I overhear this conversation between waiters whilst cooking.)

Waiter #1: “Man, I really don’t want to work next weekend. Sunday’s my birthday, but it’s too late to ask for time off.”

Waiter #2: “Just tell him that working on Sunday is against your religion.”

Waiter #1: “Yeah, but I’m atheist. He’d never buy it.”

(My boss just happens to be standing behind them, having just come out of the office.)

Boss: “What’s this about religion?”

Waiter #2: “He can’t work this Sunday. He has to go to church.”

Boss: *rubs his face* “I know it’s your birthday. I saw your employee sheet. Take off…I’ll have someone cover for you.”

Waiter #1: “Praise Jesus!”

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The American Devolution

| Working | July 4, 2012

(I am calling my bank to let them know that I’ll be traveling abroad so they don’t shut down my card for suspected fraud.)

Employee: “…and where will you be going abroad?”

Me: “I’m going to London.”

Employee: “Oh, London. That’s cool. London is in Paris, right?”

Me: “Uh…no. London is in the UK.”

Employee: “What’s the UK?”

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What’s His Beef

| Working | July 3, 2012

(My family has taken a trip to Pittsburgh to see the museums with my nieces. Afterwards, we stop at a restaurant we’ve never been to to eat. I don’t eat beef but eat other meats.)

Mom: *to the waiter* “I would like to try your chicken fried steak, please.”

Waiter: “Alright. And what about you?”

Me: “I’d like the quesadilla, but with chicken instead of beef if that’s possible.”

Waiter: “No beef?”

Me: “I’d like to exchange the beef with chicken.”

(He is noticeably shocked.)

Waiter: “But…vegetarians don’t eat any meat.”

Me: “But…I’m not a vegetarian. I just don’t like beef.”

Waiter: “How can you not like beef?! This is America!”

(The waiter was so distressed and upset by me not liking beef that he gave our table to another waitress. It was awkward!)

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Not The Breast Compliment

| Working | July 3, 2012

(I am a female and am new to the area. Normally, when I come into this store, I’m dressed normally with hair and make-up done. After the worst day ever, I stop in my pajamas and look like a hot mess. Note: I have distinct tattoos across my chest.)

Me: “Newport 100s, please.”

Cashier: “ID, please.”

Me: *hands him ID*

Cashier: “Oh, yeah! I recognize you by your chest.”

Me: *speechless*

Cashier: “Oh! Sorry! I mean your tattoos!”

(Needless to say, it made my day!)

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