(It is Tuesday at 11 am. I come in and head right to my boss’s office, but the secretary tries to stop me and calls over the business manager.)

Secretary: “I know you worked for [Boss] before moving here, but it is 11 am. Working hours start at 9 am. I know you get the big bucks but there is no special treatment for you.”

Me: “I’m really in no mood to deal with you, [Secretary].”

Business Manager: “I am not sure what to say here. Maybe we should let [Boss] handle this.”

(The boss sees me through his office window and comes out.)

Secretary: *smugly* “[My Name] is just getting in.”

Boss: “Oh, great. I take it everything is fixed? I stopped looking at emails after our call at midnight.”

(The secretary is looking confused.)

Me: “Everything is fixed; reports are in and we are back on schedule.”

Boss: “Great news. I know you’re tired, but after you get a cup of coffee could you put a few slides together for my presentation this afternoon? Oh, yeah, you picked up food for everyone on Saturday and Sunday, right? Just give the bill to [Secretary] for reimbursement. I’m late. Thanks again, I gotta run!”

(The boss left, and the secretary was fuming as I left.)

(I go into the staff room for my break. A few colleagues are already there. One of them is known for always being very strange or silly, but always a bit too much. He’s also not holding back on dirty stories or anything.)

Coworker #1: “Yeah, you know, I used to shave my pubes, but since I have a girlfriend I don’t do it anymore.”

(Coworker #2 and the team leader are not really the kind of people who seem interested in such a story. Finally the guy leaves.)

Coworker #2: “I think he just wants a tattoo on his forehead, saying ‘MAN’”.

(Just recently we got a new register that the owners have me programming. My manager has no idea how to work it. On this particular day a woman calls in.)

Customer: “Hi, I was in your store yesterday morning and I was charged for an item I didn’t buy.”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. I just need your name and the last four digits of the card you made the purchase with, as well as the name of the item we charged.”

(The woman provides all the information, and I find her in the system for yesterday morning.)

Me: “All right, I’ve refunded the amount. It should be back on your card by tomorrow morning. Have a great day!”

Manager: “Did you just refund her over the phone? How could you do that?! You have no idea if she was lying or not. I could get in serious trouble for this! They never should have let you work this register.”

(She continues to rant for a while as I check out other customers. Finally, she calms down and I’m able to get a word in.)

Me: “The item she claims she didn’t buy is a product we haven’t sold in months. She was in yesterday. There’s no way she could have bought it.”

Manager: “Well, that’s ridiculous! Who could have rung her up for something like that?”

(Going by who was on the schedule, it was my manager.)

(I am chatting online with a representative of a company about a faulty order we just received. They have agreed to send a replacement order and credit back a portion of the original purchase price.)

Representative: “Please allow me five minutes to replace the order.”

Me: “Thank you so much. I really appreciate all your help.”

Representative: “No problem. I have issued a refund of $100 to your credit card on file. This may take 305 business days to reflect on your account.”

Me: “305?”

Representative: “Yes. Please remain in the chat until I have completed the order.”

Me: “305 days?”

Representative: “Yes. Is the shipping address still the same?”

Me: “Yes. So it may take up to a year for us to see the money?!”

Representative: “Oh my gosh I am so sorry! 3-5 days.”

Me: “Haha, oh okay.”

Representative: “I am so sorry.”

Me: “Don’t be; that kind of made my day!”

(My business office is fairly nice, and we have an on-site French chef with his own kitchen and staff. They make all kinds of food for various events, one of which is the Friday staff lunch. They always have a variety of foods served buffet-style along with a variety of bite-sized dessert cakes and tarts. For some reason this Friday the dessert section doesn’t have the bite-size pieces, and instead has large round cakes from which people can take a slice. The cakes are labeled as ‘Raspberry Lemon Cake’ and are pink and yellow in color. I’m in line with a bunch of coworkers, ranging in age from 30ish to 50ish, when this gem happens:)

Coworker #1: “Ugh, just look at those things! Disgusting!”

Coworker #2: “What? The cakes? Yeah, I like it when there’s more variety and…”

Coworker #1: *cutting off Coworker #2* “No! I mean, they’re obviously so FAKE!”

Me: “What…? How is it fake? I mean it says ‘cake’ and it’s not a pie, or a tart. It pretty much looks like a cake.”

Coworker #1: “Just look at that color! That’s just so fake! Why can’t they serve real food!”

Me: “The pink and yellow? Well, it IS made with raspberries and lemons…”

Coworker #1: “Ugh! No, they just used raspberry and lemon flavoring! The color is so fake. It’s probably full of chemicals!”

Coworker #2: “Um, no, I’m pretty sure [Chef] insists on using fresh ingredients for everything.”

Me: “And raspberries are pink, after all.”

Coworker #1: “No, they’re not! Everyone knows real fruit juice is clear! They just add food-coloring to make it look like the fruit it comes from so people can tell them apart!”

Me: “What?! No. I’m pretty sure if you squish a raspberry, the juice is pink, because raspberries are pink. It’s a natural color.” *I then grab a slice of the cake, on top of which is a single fresh raspberry, and to prove my point, I squish the raspberry with my fork, and the juice from it runs down the plate, bright pinkish-red*

Me: “See? It’s just naturally that color.”

Coworker #1: “Eww! They even injected the food-coloring into the fruit?! Gross!”

(We both stare at her in disbelief.)

Coworker #2: “That’s not a thing!”

(At that point, I was speechless, so I just took my plate and headed back to my desk, leaving her to argue with our other coworker. I ate the ‘fake’ cake, too. It was delicious!)