(A man comes to the door, selling Sky TV:)

Me: “Actually, we don’t have a TV.”

Salesman: “Seriously? You’re kidding!”

Me: “No, honestly.”

Salesman: “But… what do you arrange your furniture around?”

Me: “Well… it’s in a sort of circle round the living room…”

Salesman: “You mean… like, facing one another?”

(I go to my usual dentist to get a tooth removed, as I was born without an adult tooth beneath it and it has started to decay. My father drives me as I am a little worried about the procedure; the tooth is fairly painful at this point. A hygienist I am not familiar with comes in to get me ready.)

Hygienist #1: “Hey, okay, we’re just going to load you up with the painkillers now. Open up!”

Me: “I need to warn you, I might swear like a sailor. That needle looks a LOT bigger from this angle.”

Hygienist #1: “Don’t worry, I don’t mind. All right, here we go!”

(He forcefully turns my head to the side to get a better look at his target and jabs the needle in fairly hard. I let out a rather pathetic yelp.)

Hygienist #1: “Aw, come on now! All done! See you in five minutes!”

(After a few minutes I start to realize something is wrong. My heart is racing and my entire body has mild tremors that will not stop, and I’m beginning to feel chilled. I sit up and start trying to put on my jacket but I’m shaking too much.)

Hygienist #1: “Hey, lie back down!”

Me: “So-so-something’s w-wr-wr-wrong.”

Hygienist #1: “Oh, pooh, you’re fine! Let’s see how that numbing solution is going!” *pushes me back down and physically wrenches open my mouth and starts poking gums with a sharp instrument* “Can you feel that at all?”

Me: “Y-Yes! And i-it hurts!”

Hygienist #1: “Fine, let’s give you some more you big baby. How old are you anyway?”

Me: “18.”

Hygienist #: “You’re much too old to be such a wimp at this, really. Open!” *repeats the same rough treatment as before, this time giving me an THREE doses* “I’ll be back in five minutes. After that, I’m getting the dentist to rip that tooth out, numb or not! You’re our wasting time, missy.”

(The trembling increases this time until I am unable to sit up properly or stand without collapsing. I’m terrified that I am having an allergic reaction as the entire side of my head has gone numb with a pulsing pain in my jaw, and there are now patches of skin along my arm and leg that have started to go numb as well. Thankfully Hygienist #2, who usually cleans my teeth, is walking by and spots me trying to stagger away from the chair.)

Hygienist #2: “Oh, my god, [My Name]! Are you okay?! I thought you were just coming in to get your tooth pulled!”

Me: “I a-a-am. I th-th-thin-nk I’m reah-reacting to the num-num-”

Hygienist #2: “Oh, boy! Okay, honey, I’m going to check your pulse here for a second. Who was administering it? How much did they give you?” *she sits me down on the floor and sits next to me, comforting me as I’m generally freaking out at this point*

Me: “Th-That ne-new gu-guy, he-he gave m-me one th-then th-th-three mo-more.”

Hygienist #2: *suddenly has an expression that is a cross between ‘oh s***’ and ‘I’ll kill him’* “All right, sweetie, I’m going to go get your dad for you and then we’re going to get you to a hospital, all right? Your heart is beating way too fast. Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay.”

(We came back the next day after I had recovered so I could talk to the head dentist. When I explained what had happened, including the rough treatment, the dentist fired Hygienist #1 on the spot. Apparently he had been rough before, but in this occasion he had injected the painkiller directly into one of my veins instead of the surrounding area, and since it is epinephrine/adrenaline based it caused my tremors and my lovely 220 bpm resting heart rate. Giving me a triple dose after I exhibited the signs of my system being overloaded with adrenaline was a BIG no-no, and Hygienist #2 got employee of the year for helping me cope!)

(I am purchasing a few items from a “one-stop-shopping“ kind of store, and approach the check-out with my purchases. I get in line at a check-stand and note that the clerk’s tag says that he’s a new employee. I figure this may take a few extra minutes if he’s still learning the system, but I’m not in any hurry. He scans my tissues, snacks, and cold medicine, and I hand him my ID. He stares at it for a moment, not sure what to do with it. There must have been a lag in the system, because there’s a beat or so before a screen pops up, asking for him to check my ID.)

Clerk: “Oh!” *he laughs* “I guess you know the system better than I do!”

(I smile.)

Me: “No, it’s just that I’ve had this dumb cold for a while now, and the great state of [State] wants to make sure that I’m not Walter White.”

(This happened every time I went to a sub place when I was younger. The menu clearly displays the ingredients for the items, both with a picture and with the names of the ingredients.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to get Italian sub, please. Everything that normally comes on it, except for onions, please.”

Employee: “Okay, sure.” *begins making sub*

Employee: “What kind of meat?”

Me: “Whatever normally comes on it.”

Employee: “I know, but what kind?”

Me: *annoyed that they don’t know, I look up at the menu* “Pepperoni and salami, it seems.”

Employee: “And what kind of cheese?”

Me: “What it says on the menu. Just like that without onions.”

Employee: “Can’t you just tell me what kind you want? So I know I’ll get it right.”

Me: *knowing they aren’t going to be any help, I read them the rest of the ingredients from the menu* “Mozzarella. And after that, lettuce, black olives, and tomato.”

Employee: “Okay, and what vegetables do you want on it?”

Me: *face-palm*

(My brother and I live far enough apart that we don’t see each other all the time, but close enough that we will occasionally get together on a whim. Since it’s Memorial Day and neither of us has plans, we decide, day of, to meet up at a mall near his apartment. On my way there, I realize that I left my phone at home, but I am too far to turn around. So, I’m wandering around the mall, trying to run into him, as we hadn’t picked a place inside the mall to meet. While I’m doing this, a clerk of a cosmetic store stopped me in my path.)

Clerk: “Do you want to come and try our new cream?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Clerk: “You know you want to.”

Me: “I’m fine.”

Clerk: “Come on. Just try it.”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m actually looking for my brother right now.”

Clerk: “Oh, he’s inside!”

Me: “I doubt that.”

Clerk: “Come on, he’s in here!”

Me: “I don’t really see my brother doing that. But you’re doing a really good impression of the creepy candy guy in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”

Clerk: “No, he was lost and scared, looking for his sister, so we let him in here.”

Me: “He’s 22 and lives alone.”

(The clerk finally stopped after that.)