This Rep Has A Lot Of ‘Spaining To Do

| Working | December 28, 2012

(I notice on my most recent statement that the fee for my student account has suddenly jumped from $3 to $12, so I call the bank’s customer service line.)

Service Rep: “How can I help you today?”

Me: “Hi, I was checking my statement and the fee for my checking account has suddenly tripled for no reason. I need that corrected.”

Service Rep: “Oh, I’m sorry; it’s probably just a glitch. What was the amount on your statement?”

Me: “Twelve dollars. It’s normally three.”

Service Rep: “Hm… no, that account’s always been twelve. We don’t have a three dollar account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m looking at my statements for the last year and my online account information and it clearly says it’s been three dollars until a month ago. There’s been an error somewhere in your system.”

Service Rep: “No ma’am, you’re the one that’s wrong. Our system never makes mistakes. We’ve never had a three dollar account.”

Me: “Excuse me, but I’m an unemployed college student living off of grants and loans. I signed up for the discount student account as I could not afford the twelve dollars for the standard account. I was quoted three dollars a month on signup. I’ve been paying three dollars a month up until last month, and I have the paperwork that YOUR company provided to prove that.”

Service Rep: “Well, if you just did ten or more transactions a month, it would be free and you wouldn’t have this problem at all.”

Me: “I have no income aside from my grants and loans for school. Pray tell, what money am I supposed to make these transactions with? That’s beside the point anyway: the error is in your system and you need to fix it.”

Service Rep: “Our system doesn’t make mistakes! Ugh! You must be reading the paperwork wrong or hallucinating or something. How are you in college if you can’t even understand such a simple concept?!”

Me: “I need you to close my account, right now.”

Service Rep: “Oh, fine! If you’re going to get your panties in a twist, I’ll refund the charge, but you really need to understand that you’re going to be charged and it’s going to be twelve dollars a month. You agreed to do whatever we want when you opened the account.”

Me: “NO. Close my account. Now. I will not be doing business with this company anymore. Close the account, and while you’re at it, give me your name and work extension as well as the name of your supervisor. I’m going to file a complaint.”

Service Rep: “I’ll close the account but I’m not giving you any of that other stuff! Who do you think you are, the Queen of Spain or something? How DARE you ask for my personal information?! You’re obviously some kind of scammer. I’ll be reporting you to corporate to make sure you don’t open another account to commit more fraud. Goodbye!” *click*

(I called corporate later with the reference numbers for the transactions and they found the horrible rep that way. I found out she’d been fired immediately after she’d ended the call with me. I still refused to reopen my account.)

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Who Said Life Is Unfare

| Working | December 27, 2012

(I’m headed into the centre of town to meet a friend. As I’m below the legal driving age, I have to catch a bus. I’m about to get on the bus when I realise that I only have notes, so I can’t pay my bus fare. Note that I live a few metres away from the stop.)

Me: *to the driver* “Um, sorry, but is it okay if you wait a moment while I get my fare? I just realised that I only have notes. Actually, I’ll just wait for the next bus.”

Driver: “Where are you going?”

Me: “Into town.”

Driver: “Get on.”

Me: “But I don’t have—”

Driver: “Just get on!”

(I do, thanking him profusely as I do. The journey passes quickly and we get into town. As I’m getting off the bus, I speak again to the driver.)

Me: “Thank you so much, sir! I’ll pay double fare on the way back.”

Driver: “No, don’t bother. You win some, you lose some. Losing one fare won’t hurt the company. Have a nice day!”

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Boneheaded

| Working | December 27, 2012

(I don’t go to this pet store often, because the service is pretty bad. In the month since I was last there, they have changed the layout.)

Me: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the rawhides are now?”

Employee: “The what?”

Me: “Rawhide bones. For dogs to chew.”

Employee: “I don’t know what they are.”

Me: “They’re rawhide that’s knotted at both ends, so it’s in the shape of a bone. They used to be on this wall right here, by the counter. I’m just wondering where in the store they are right now.”

Employee: “No. We don’t have any. We’ve never sold anything like that here.”

(I don’t want to argue, despite having bought rawhides there a month ago. I thank her and go to look at dog food, where I find an entire nine foot long display of many different kinds of rawhide bones. I gather an armful and bring them to the counter.)

Me: *holds one up* “Rawhide bones.”

Employee: “Oh.” *snorts*

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Twinstigating Trouble, Part 2

| Working | December 27, 2012

(My step-sister and I are around 7 and 8 when this occurs.)

Stylist: “Oh look, twins!”

My Sister: “We aren’t twins; we look nothing alike. I have dark hair and eyes, and my sister has blonde hair and blue eyes!”

Stylist: “No, you are definitely twins.” *to me* “Aren’t you, dear?”

Me: “No, she’s older than me!”

Stylist: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You must be twins!”

(She drags us out to where our mom is waiting.)

Stylist: “They are twins, yes?”

My Mom: “Um, no.”

Stylist: “You must be wrong! I know they are twins!”

My Mom: “Well, I only gave birth to one of them, so, no.”

Stylist: “You are twins! You just don’t know it!”

 

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This Company’s CRM Needs A Wake-Up Call

| Working | December 27, 2012

(This happens while I am still a teenager living at home with my mother. One afternoon, I get a call on my cellphone.)

Representative: “Hello, this is [name] with [different electric co. than the one we use]. I’m sure you were shocked by your electrics bill this month!”

Me: “Actually, no. My mum is the one who’d have handled that bill seeing as I still live at home.”

Representative: “Oh, I’m sorry. Can you put your mother on the phone, please?”

Me: “Uh, no. You called me on my private cell number and I’m at work right now.”

Representative: “Right, so when would be a good time for us to call you back?”

Me: “Umm, I’d really rather you don’t call MY personal cell back at all. Call our home phone or my mother’s cell if you must, though I doubt she’s interested in your offer.”

Representative: “Okay, we’ll do that.” *click*

(Around the same time the next day, I get another call.)

Representative: “Hello, this is [other name] with [rival electric company]. I’m sure you were shocked by your electrics bill this month!”

Me: “Look, I just went over this with your colleague yesterday. I still live with my mum, so she deals with this kind of stuff, yet you keep calling me on my personal cellphone. Please just call our home phone and remove this number from your file, okay?”

Representative: “Um, okay.” *click*

(Sure enough, around the same time the next day…)

Representative: “Hello, this is [other name] with [rival electric company]. I’m sure you—”

Me: “Okay, let me stop you right there ’cause I’m getting kind of tired of this. This is the third time you’ve called me instead of my parents, even though I’m pretty sure I can’t even legally accept any offer you might have. How did you even get this number?”

Representative: “Um, well, there’s this new legislation that allows us to get the account holder’s number on file from your current electric company.”

Me: “Right. In that case the primary phone number would definitely have been our home phone which you don’t seem to have, and I very much doubt my cellphone is on there even as a secondary contact, given that I’m still a minor and all. Now how did you really get my number?”

Representative: “Um… right, I… I can see that you’re not interested. Thank you very much for your time.” *click*

(Thankfully I didn’t receive any more calls after that!)

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