(Our center manager is named Dave.)

Coworker: *answers ringing phone* “Thank you for calling [Center]; how may I help you?”

Corporate Big Wig: “Can I be transferred to Dave, please?”

Coworker: “Dave’s not here, man.”

Corporate Big Wig: “How about [Other Manager]?”

Coworker: “Hold please.”

Other Manager: “This is [Other Manager].”

Corporate Big Wig: “So, you need to drug test the employee who answered the phones just now.”

Other Manager: “What? Why?!”

Corporate Big Wig: “For answering the phone with a Cheech and Chong reference. Then drug test me for getting it.”

(Isn’t it nice when corporate big shots are people, too?)

(I’m building myself a new computer. For this I have ordered some hardware from a small but well known electronics mail order company. There’s only one part that isn’t in stock but the website says they’ll receive a batch within the next few days. However, after a month this item still hasn’t arrived. I call the hotline.)

Me: “Hi! I ordered some computer parts from you about a month ago and, even though the website said [item] would be available again within the last weeks, I still haven’t received it. I understand that you can’t do something about supply bottlenecks but I wanted to know how much longer it’s going to take and maybe cancel the order and order [other more expensive item].”

Employee: “Wait, just let me pull up your order. Oh, yes. I see what you mean. And you said you’ve waited for a month? In this case I’d be happy to upgrade you to [more expensive hardware] without any additional costs. Would that be okay for you?”

Me: “Wow, okay. Yes, of course. I’m thrilled. Thank you so much.”

(Few days later I receive a parcel from said online shop. I open it only to find an item which is actually both much cheaper and worse compared to my initial order. I call again.)

Me: “Hi. I called some days ago about [hardware]. Since you did seem to have a bottleneck with this part you offered to send me [more expensive item]. I’ve now received [hardware half the price of my initial order].”

Employee: “Oh, yeah. That was me. I talked to my supervisor and he said I couldn’t upgrade you to this particular part but since you were waiting for so long I thought you’d may be okay with [less expensive item].”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I’d like to send it back to you and order somewhere else. Could you do a refund?”

Employee: “I could but are you sure? You got [less expensive part] free of charge!”

(After a short discussion I gave up. He didn’t understand that I didn’t get it for free but would pay around 200€ more than the actual price. After he refunded me I ordered somewhere else.)

(Security guards use radio codes just like the police do. For example 10-1 means that you are being heard poorly and 10-9 means to repeat your last transmission.)

Guard: “Dispatch I know that I have ticketed this car on several occasions. Could you please give me the dates I ticketed this car?”

Dispatch: “10-1, 10-9.”

(A few moments of silence.)

Guard: “I know that I have ticketed this car on couple different occasions could you give me the dates?”

Dispatch: “10-1, 10-9.”

(More moments of silence.)

Guard: “Dispatch, do you copy? I’m looking for the dates of a car I ticketed some time ago could you give them to me, please?”

(Light bulb goes on for everyone listening.)

Boss: *trying so hard not to laugh over the radio* “Dispatch HAS given you the dates. October 1st and October 9th. Get it? 10-1 and 10-9?”

(While traveling for a family vacation, we start in Spokane, then fly to Seattle and have a two-hour layover before flying to Los Angeles, and then to Sydney, Australia. We are on the 8:30 am flight from Spokane, however due to maintenance problems the 8:30, 9:30, and 10:30 flights all leave at 10:30 in a bigger plane. Many people, including us, miss their connections and are lining up at the service desk. At the beginning there were two employees working but one left. We are third in line and when there is only one employee left, a woman starts yelling about missing her connection. The employee helps the women and looks like she is about to cry and leaves saying that someone else would be there soon. 15 minutes later the phone begins to ring with no one to answer it.)

Mother: *jokingly to the person ahead of us* “You should answer it.”

Bob: *walks around the counter and answers* “Hello.”

(Silence.)

Bob: “This is Bob.”

(Silence.)

Bob: “I’m a customer. There’s no one here, there’s lineup all the way down the hall, and there’s going to be a riot if we don’t start getting some help.” *hangs up*

(Five minutes later, four employees came running down the hall. We did make eventually make it to Australia but two of our bags were lost.)

Me: “Can I get two [Burgers] with cheese, one with no pickles.”

Cashier: “So, that’s two [Burgers] with cheese and one [Burger] with no pickles.”

Me: “No, two [Burgers] total, both with cheese, one of them with no pickles.”

Cashier: “That’s the same thing, just said a different way.”